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Tamara
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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I have been in a relationship with a man for 4 years and lived

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I have been in a relationship with a man for 4 years and lived with for about 1 1/2. There has always been issues with women, not cheating but having to have contact, without me knowing. Lying and denying. Has a reason or excuse for whatever the situation maybe. I to this day found in his phone two, thats if there are only two, numbers under different names. Always sneaky behavior. He will show his anger at me physically at times, I know to keep me in fear, or it is his way to control. He never has a straight answer and you know there is a point that it just is not right. What type of personality does this reflect and also how do you get away from someone you know is not good for you, yet you are threatened if you try and walk away.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 6 years ago.
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Tamara :

Hi. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this situation in your relationship. It sounds like it has been a hard experience for you. Based on what you have said, it is likely that your boyfriend is either narcissistic or sociopathic.

Tamara :

Lying as a way of life is a sign of a personality disorder, and personality disorders are very difficult to treat. So it is highly unlikely that your boyfriend will ever change.

Tamara :

The important thing is that you find a way to stop letting yourself be manipulated by him. He is not honest with you, and is working your emotions so that you feel confused. If he is physically violent with you, then you need to get out of the relationship immediately. Contact your local domestic violence shelter if you feel you need help to do so. Or talk with a counselor so you can get some guidance and support in order to get out of this relationship. Your instinct is that this man is not safe, and you need to pay attention to that. Get some help and leave that relationship. Then spend some time figuring out why and how you got into this type of relationship in the first place.

Tamara :

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara

Customer :

I just feel that there is no conscience, and that he enjoys me asking him things over and over again. I guess at this point in time if I know that there is sneaky behavior, which there always was, right from the beginning it will not change. Always promises to make things different but an excuse why it does not happen. How do you get away from a threatening personality. I do not feel any compassion toward me when we discuss things, or attempt to on my doing.

Customer :

one last thing, he is physically abusive and it is starting to become the way he controls me. it is a way for me to stop saying i want out or to keep asking things in which i never get the truth.

Tamara :

If he doesn't seem to have a conscience, then it sounds like he may be a sociopath. He is a dishonest person who takes advantage of people, with no concern for how it affects them. He can promise over and over again, but nothing is going to change. You get away by leaving. Period. This isn't something you can discuss and negotiate with him and expect him to agree with or support. You are on your own here. You feel no compassion from him because there is no compassion. Get some help from a therapist or the domestic violence shelter if you need help to leave and if you are concerned about how he will handle it. The most important thing, however, is that he isn't going to change and you need to get out in order to take care of yourself. Good luck. Tamara

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