I am 27 and have been suffering from mild to moderate depression for many years now and I can't resolve this. I am reasonably positive about what is the problem and its solution and I would like to share it with you and see if from your side I sound reasonable with common sense or as someone who has got something obviously wrong. Often people outside can see things more clearly than us so I would appreciate if you can bring some more clarity here. I will try to be as clear as possible.
I would like to begin with this example. For a child it's not a psychological problem to want love if his deprived from it but rather a natural need based on how our species and many other species behave and feel. There isn't a way around it than actually for the child to satisfy this natural,instictive need. No amount of therapy or pills would make that deep need go away.
Similar is my case. For years I have been unable to find a girl who would like me. I never had a relationship. Why? My answer is that the vast majority of girls are just not interested in me. I have no evidence to suggest otherwise. I go out often and i talk to girls often but i just find that no one wants to see me for anything more than a "good guy". This is devastating for me. It really breaks me completely and I can't overcome my deep need to have a girlfriend and experience all that that entails.
I am 27 and last time i kissed a girl was at 18. The only way i have managed to have a girl to be with me is by paying which is sad
to say the least. I only did
that just to experience the female form and sex as i was getting "desperate" in a way.
Further more am not a shy person. If i am in a bar and a girl smiles at me am ready to roll though I never get this or if i get it once in a hundred time it will be from a person i won't be interested. I am very positive looking, smiling a lot and generally good social vibes that would make other comfortable to talk to me. Also i don't believe that am ugly at all. Having said all that I just can't find a girl who likes me. Granted my unwillingness to engage in online dating sites or in the pretentious atmospheres of clubs don't help but I just don't like this way of meeting people. I however cannot overcome my need to associate myself with women.
My room is a mess and i dont have the energy to tidy it up even though I want to and generally i don't have energy to do simple things and hence everything is messy even my windows desktop. I feel unloved, dry of energy, finding it difficult to think through complex things and my depression is damaging also many other areas of my life.
What is very interesting to note is that whenever something arises that makes me feel that am having a chance of dating or that a girl is to visit me who could potentially become my girl, my energy levels completely change. I suddenly feel, in a deep sense, "liked by girls" (not particurly by one person) but as a general feeling and now tidying up my room becomes meaningful,easy and generally i feel very alive as if i've just taken 10 xanax pills. It is very clear to me at that moment what I need.
I am generally in good spirts but I cannot overcome certain natural needs that are powerful and this absence of a girl in my life is bringing me down for years now. Absence of sex is also putting pressure on me. Also no matter how sweet, self confident and loved I might be I cannot force someone to like me and be with me. I might feel beautiful but if she doesnt feel the same way about me nothing its going to happen.
I certainly do have a "problem" but am not sure if its psychological and I can't see how can I resolve it with any way other than simply having a girl which i so much deeply desire as a normal man. I wish I could experience for 1 minute what it is to hug your own girl and the good thing about it is that because of this mess I have come to realize for good how important and valuable it is to have a person in your life.
I should say that I live with my sister, we have a good relationship and generally am not alone. My childgood wasnt perfect by any means but not bad either. Surely my father wasnt exactly good news for my family but I don't feel he has affected me much, not in an visible way at least. I also go out often and socialize but after so many years of non fullfilment of said needs i've broken down psychologically and feel hopeless about it.
I would like to ask if you see any holes in my logic and cognitive faculties. How could I be helped in this case by an expert?
Any advice welcome