How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Selah R, M.S. LPC Your Own Question

Selah R, M.S. LPC
Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 582
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.
3241695
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Selah R, M.S. LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My 21 year old son refuses to grow up and be responsible.

Resolved Question:

<p>My 21 year old son refuses to grow up and be responsible. He still lives at home. He blew college off (was always a poor student in high school as well). He can't (or won't keep a job) My husband as a clotting disorder and has been hospitalized twice in the past 2 years with PEs. I have M.S. and was just diagnosed with stage 0 DCIS - I've completed radiation therapy, can no longer take HRT and will start Tamoxifen soon. My son sleeps all day parties all night and is hateful and a cops an attitude when asked to clean up after himself. God forbid that we ask him to anything beyond that to help us out. He's my only child and I love him but now I'm starting to hate him too. It feels like he is sucking the life out of me, my home and my marriage. I have always wanted him to have a happy life and be successful in whatever he chooses to do. But right now he's choosing to be a slug. What little money he does earn goes to fast food, cigarettes, snuff, pot and beer. He's making my life hell and breaking my heart in the process. I'd love to put him in a 30 day residential rehab program but since he's 21, he needs to do that himself. I don't have the physical strength, energy or time (given I refuse to become disable and still work full time) to assert any authority. Did I mention I have a 91 year old mother we finally settled in an Assisted Living Facility but she still needs my help and I handle all her finances as well as my families which is stressful considering I have a third adult sucking me dry.   I AM AT MY WITS END! He's making me wish I had eaten him when he was young.   I'm a strong person but I really feel beaten down right now. Help me,please <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I would add that my son had surgery on a knot on his quadriceps muscle - a lipoma was expected but instead the know was purely muscle tissue. A sample was biopsied and the results came back suggestive of Myotonic Dystrophy. He was evaluated by a local neurologist who felt that it was not MD given the absence of other neuromuscular sx. However, when reviewing his complete his including hypersomnia, apathy and moodiness, he felt it's possible my son may have a mild form of Myotonic Dystrophy and should be evaluated at Vanderbilt University -- we make the trip tomorrow. God forbid that is his diagnosis though it might explain his behaviors. I need advise as to how to help him move forward toward a normal, happy productive life (and before he destroys any chances of my husband and me getting one back). <br /><br />How long does it take to get an answer?  </p><p>I've been waiting over 3 hours!  I cannot concentrate to work and I'm at my wits end.  My deposit processed instantaneously and while periodically a pop up will indicate my question has been passed off on someone else, I still don't have an answer.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Go ahead and cancel this request.  I'm not satisifed with the answer because I've been waiting all day and am yet to receive one.  Obviously ASAP means something entirely different to your staff.   I'll find a local counselor who surely will be more responsive.</p>
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Selah R, M.S. LPC replied 4 years ago.
I'm sorry no one was able to get to your question in time. I'm going to post an answer, just in case you're still interested in an answer from a mental health professional.

I think you and your husband have to put your health and your relationship back as a priority, instead of your son being the priority. Both of you are dealing with tremendous stress, physical illnesses which stress worsens, and stress with other family members (such as your mother's care). You care and concern for your son is normal, but at this point it's not longer healthy because it's enabling him to stay childish, and is causing you and your husband damage.

Your son may not think he needs counseling or medication. He may never admit that he needs help. But he will never change until his environment forces him to change. You may been to work with a counselor on learning tough love parenting, and setting firm boundaries and timeline to help push your son out of the nest. It sounds like with his personality he will hate you and resent you for pushing him out. But if he is able to mature, he may come to realize that it was the only choice he gave you.

If he is diagnosed with a significant illness or disability he may qualify for assistance through the state rehabilitation department for training, counseling, and school assistance. But if you continue on this same path, he will use you and your husband and your marriage up, and still learn nothing. The only way to get him to stand up and grow up is going to be firm boundaries that give him no more options to abuse your love and care.

Again, working with a therapist can help you set this up, and help you process the anger, grief, depression, confusion, and other emotions you're going to have to face to get through this.

Best wishes and sincerest apologies for your wait,
Selah
Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 582
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.
Selah R, M.S. LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Selah R, M.S. LPC
Selah R, M.S. LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
519 Satisfied Customers
Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.