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Anna
Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
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Hi, My name is john, my girlfriend and i broke up last october,

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Hi, My name is XXXXX XXXXX girlfriend and i broke up last october, I didn't or couldn't do anything about it since until a couple of weeks ago, (i was very angry with her because she was in constant contact with her ex before me,) i phone her up, got on reasonably ok on first call, bad on second as she told me she had a new man since january, I said i wouldn't contact her again. Then she e-mails me 2 weeks later and says that she would meet for the coffee i asked, Then met her by accident in the shop and had an ok chat but i wish i could have been more confident, A Few days later i rang her but she didn't answer and so i text her that i could help her to get a job, she emailed back and politely refused, then i email her back and told her that i was dissapointed with that and then told her all the the things she would have if she was with me, basically i grovelled bad and was pretty desperate, she did agree to meet me for coffe again but this was only after i said i was going to call to her house where she lives with her parents, i then text her that i couldn't meet her beccause i told her that i was in a bad place like where she was last year when she was missing her ex when she was with me. She was going out with ex before me for 6 years and me for 5 months, She replied to this and told me not to be going so hard on myself, but at the same time i feel that she is rejecting me badly, I emailed her again and told he that i won't be contacting her again and i won't, I know i can get over this but i feel that she will contact me again, This is a complicated place to be, i think if she does i'm going to try and tell her how insecure i felt at the time and tell her not to contact me again until if or when shes single and then i would consider giving her a chance again, What do you think?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Anna replied 4 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Anna :

Hello & Welcome to Just Answers.

Anna :

I think that you're really feeling vulnerable, and am glad that you've recognized that and done some things to protect yourself.

Anna :

It sounds like your gut is screaming for you to exit the scene, but you're lonely and are having wishful thoughts.

Anna :

I also think that she seems to be a gal who is trying to figure herself out, but isn't quite there yet. You can't beg a woman to date you....sure...we've all grovelled at one point...but has it ever worked? Not that I know of

Anna :

I think that you need to distract yourself and get some distance so that you're in a stronger place to make a decision with.

Anna :

How does that sound?

Customer:

I still like her though, what if she gets back to me

Anna :

I wouldn't trust that she has the relationship skills to be in a committed relationship with you.

Anna :

The chat notice keeps saying that you're stepping in and out of chat and typing...are you typing a response?

Customer:

Forgot to tell you that i'm going on holidays in a weeks time, camino de santiago in spain, its an old pilgrimage route in spain, it probably will be a pilgrimage for me, you sound very negative on the whole thing,

Anna :

I understand that you like her, but a relationship needs trust and respect, and from what you tell me, these things are missing, so I am more negative than positive on the relationship.

Anna :

On your pilgrimage, I think you'll learn alot about yourself and come back more confident in what you want.

Customer:

Can thes things change if perhaps she does contact me again

Anna :

Sure. If she contacts you as a stable, single woman who has put all of the other men out of her life, things would be different.

Anna :

It would be a place for you to start a new relationship.

Anna :

If you would, please fill out the feedback form after accepting. I appreciate this opportunity to help you out today. If I can be of further service to you, just put "for Anna" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it.


Thanks!


Anna

Customer:

If i had worked on relationship more when i was with her and asked her to stop and tell her the relationship was in trouble due to her actions, i didn't have relationship experience enough to do this or maybe i was afraid i wouldn't get another girl as good as her, i had big problems with my mother as a youngster growing up, i always have this fear im going to be single, how do i get over this, is this fair to ask you this as this is like a second question, are these questions related

Anna :

Hey John, This really is a separate question and should go onto a new thread. If you put it in the Q & A section with my name on it, I'll make sure to look for it. Anna

Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
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Anna
Anna
Mental Health Professional
1945 Satisfied Customers
Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.