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This is a serious situation. Your son is out of control, and he needs to begin experiencing consequences of his behavior. You and his father need to establish the rules and enforce them consistently. If he escalates, he will need treatment by an adolescent specialist and possibly medication.
No amount of reasoning or negotiating will change him. You need to set limits and enforce consequences. This will be hard to do, so you may wish to engage the services of a family therapist for support. You might also check into residential treatment options for this boy. Is he using drugs or alcohol?
he doesn't believe he has a problem. he thinks it's us. We farm for a living and my oldest son is 18 and has been helping since he was 9. When we let him drive a tractor when he was 10 he poke holes in the insulation for no reason. he is extremely jealous of his brother but his brother works and he doesn't. He accuses us of favoring his brother. When we ask him to help he throws temper tantrums and twists everything around to blame us. I have been told I am not a mother because he picks fights with his brother and wants me to protect him. we don't have health insurance that would cover couseling i think we reallyneed help
Yes, you do need help, and I am not sure how much I can do with this online format. He is angry and obviously competitive with his brother. You need to encourage him to express his feelings and tell you about his anger. If you listen without judging or criticizing he will be able to calm down a little. He is carrying this resentment around and it is growing because he has no way to release it. Just listening to him and letting him vent about how unfair his life is will do wonders. Remember, you don't need to agree with what he is saying or act on what he says, you just need to listen without criticizing and whatever you do, don't compare him to his brother.