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Selah R, M.S. LPC
Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 582
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.
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SELAH--She says I was her idol as a child--but I do NOT want

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SELAH--She says I was her "idol" as a child--but I do NOT want to influence her decisions as I have not always made the best choices myself! She is 3000 miles away...chosen "MOST BEAUTIFUL!!!!" in her graduating class in high school. I CANNOT sit by and "throw her to the wolves". I forward her your answers and we discuss them
I trust this is appropriate for now...
It's easy to lean on someone who we think is strong and has their stuff together, especially when we're feeling like we don't have strength or stability inside ourselves. It's scary to let go, and potentially make big mistakes, and risk being alone. So for some people, they hold on to their idols and give up some (most, or even all!) of their own power. Because the connection and safety feel more important than the control.

I recommend the DBT Workbook by McKay. It can help her rediscover her own meaning, worth, value, and center. Not that she has to become independent and isolated. But so that she can stand up stronger on her own, instead of having to lean on crutches like men, alcohol, and other "self-medications". The best relationships come when both people are able to stand side-by-side, not leaning into each other like a ladder where one falls if the other moves.

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