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Selah R, M.S. LPC
Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 582
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.
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I love my wife dearly but she has no desire for sexual intimacy

Customer Question

I love my wife dearly but she has no desire for sexual intimacy ,it faded right after we were married we were intimate and very passionate before we were married and I believe this has a lot to do with it because she wanted to wait intill we were married to have sex , even though we are both in our fifties and have been married before this was very important to her and even though she was a willing partner it was my responsibilty to honor her feeling in this , anyway at this point I don't know what to do it we have been married now 2 1/2 years , something has to change Help

PS : we are both Christians and this is why it was so important
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Afternoon,

 

Low libido can be caused by different things. 1/ hormonal changes (a hormonal blood panel test would show if there is any abnormalities 2/ depression, 3/ some medications, 4/ you've mentioned possible emotional/psychological factors. If she is in her 50's it may be very possible that the former are the causes.

 

There are some options to address this. 1/ taking supplements with androgen properties (if she is not interested in hormonal treatment) These can be - Maca, Macuna Pruriens, Tribulus, DHEA or Prgnenolone. These can be purchased at a health store or online.

 

Another option if her behavior is more of a psychological/emotional nature would be to consider counseling, use self help materials ie bibliotherapy, autosuggestion CD, hypnotherapy (if you as Christian are open to this modality)



Edited by Dr. Rossi on 8/9/2010 at 9:52 PM EST
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Dr. Rossi , thanks for your input and I am no expert but you didn't really give me any info that I wasn't already aware of -------thanks --Rocky
Expert:  Selah R, M.S. LPC replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for trusting JustAnswer with your important question.

Dr. Rossi is correct that there can be medical, hormonal, age-related, and even psychological factors at play here. And each should be addressed, especially if you're seeing other signs or problems such as depression, anxiety, and social withdrawal.

As a Christian counselor, the first book I recommend for couples with intimacy problems is "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. This help the couple build on non-sexual forms of intimacy and connection. Then you can start focusing on the sexual aspect, and the book I recommend for that is "Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage" by Kevin Leman.

You two may decide after reading these books that this isn't something you can tackle on your own. Don't be embarrassed to find a Christian counselor to talk about these issues. Many Christians fear bringing it up in therapy because it feel too private and scary. But being Christian doesn't stop us from having many of the same marital issues that other couples face. What is different is that we rely on God and His teachings (Song of Solomon is in the Bible!) to help guide us, rather than our whims or society's pressures, to give us a roadmap.

Best wishes,
Selah
Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 582
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.
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Selah R, M.S. LPC
Selah R, M.S. LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
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Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.