I will try to answer your question. It is not uncommon for some individuals who have been hurt badly in past relationships to push new relationships away when they become intimate and we become both attached and at the same time, more and more emotionally vulnerable. (The deeper we love, the more it hurts if we are abandoned, it seems). I'm sure you understand this already very well. What you experience in pushing people away and becoming scared if things become intimate is quite normal if you have had some very traumatic breakups, been sexually or physically abused, etc.
It does "help" in the short term, when we are developing an intimate relationship and begin to feel scared that we are getting "in too deep" and are increasingly vulnerable to do things to chase someone away, before they abandon us (at least we fantasize they might. If we push them away, we control the relationship, the breakup and our level of hurt). But nearly always, there is remorse and regret for what MAYBE giving up what could have been the relationship we've always dreamed having.
Talking to someone, processing our emotional experience while in the midst of developing a new, increasingly intimate relationship is helpful because we can gain a second opinion about our perceptions, they can help us avoid tunnel-vision, because we can be easily carried away by emotion rather then reason. And, most importantly, the supporting person can help us take the small emotional risks that MUST accompany the eventual development of any truly intimate relationship. It is much like we need help with a clinical phobia; we have fears, anxiety
of being hurt, and it really helps to have someone hold our hand and help us stick our toes in the water, then our foot, then our leg, etc. So LEARNING TO TAKE RISKS and learning to tolerate the anxiety associated with the risk (rejection fears) is what we primarily need from a close confidant or therapist----and it truly helps to have a working relationship we are developing with someone to experiment with i.e., a new partner. The learning best takes place in vivo or when a relationship is unfolding; it isn't something that can be easily learned by talking and retrospective reflecting about a past relationship. When we help someone with a phobia, it helps to be able to gradually expose them to the threat and help them through it. So I'd speculate that this is the type of new learning experience you need.
I will pause here and let you think about this and respond. I'm sure I haven't answered your question fully. I will be gone for a number of hours......but, I will not leave you hanging if you want to follow up with me on this.......