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LisaW
LisaW, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4
Experience:  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for 19 years; specializing in Christian Counseling.
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Hello,I am 28 years old and expecting my second child. I

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Hello,
I am 28 years old and expecting my second child. I am 10 weeks pregnant and me and my boyfriend seperated. My other child is 4 years. I came back from London in 2005 because my boyfriend was unfaithfull. I was back 2 weeks then I realized I am pregnant. We were 1rst shocked but after that very happy. He told me he is going to stay on a bit longer to save up for us. Then he moved in with another women which made my life a living hell in London. They kept on calling me from London and told me how hapy they are. I went through hell and was struggeling through my pregnacy. A month before my first boy was born he came back and made as if nothing happend. I took him back but struggeled to forgive him. My son was 3 months old then he left me for another woman. Eventually the boke up and I was foolish enough to take him back. A year and a half ago I found out that he was cheating on me again with the same girl as whcih was with him in London. I left him and then took him back. He is emotionally destrouing me and now I have to go throuth the second pregnancy alone again and don't think I can handle is. He is making my life a living hll now. Please help, I need help. On line help is not really what I need but could you advise me what to do and where to go. I dont want to loose my child because he will use anything against me to take my child away. I am crying all the time and have to force myself to eat. I need this to stay confidential and don't want anyonce to read this.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  LisaW replied 3 years ago.

I am so sorry for this 5 year plus painful heartache you have been going through with your boyfriend. Romantic attachment is one of the most complex areas for all human beings, no matter their age, intelligence, or status. When you add children into the equation it makes it that much more intense.

 

The way we were built is too form long lasting attachments; to enrich our lives, to not do life alone. Unfortunately, we live in a world where people are broken and instead of loving each other, often we hurt each other. The problem with attachment, it can be like super glue, once the glue dries the two pieces will have to be broken to separate them. This dynamic of attachment is blind, it just knows to stay attached, it doesn't know that this attachment is causing harm.

 

Learning how to love yourself enough to do what is best for you and your children is a process. This is especially difficult if your boyfriend is a manipulator which it sounds like he is if he is threatening to take away your child. In order to best take care of yourself, you need support. Finding a competent therapist, would be an immediate way you could get support. Therapists are use to dealing with complex relational problems, and could help you walk through the process of what is best for you and your children. Other forms of support would be wise and safe friends, support group, or a local church that offers support groups depending on your spiritual background.

 

Most importantly, I want you to focus on taking care of yourself, your pregnancy and your 4 year old. You shared that this relationship is emotionally destroying you. That is an important realization. Also, that you need help and support. Hopefully, you can ask your peers if they know of a good support group or therapist. You can also ask your Medical Doctor, he/she will know of reputable professionals in your area. Here, in America, we have different associations, California Assoc.. of Marriage and Family Therapy, American Psychology Association where one can find referrals in their area. I researched some European Associations, that ,hopefully, can also lead you to a competent therapist in your area (links below). Definely, pay attention to your distress and seek out professional support. There is a way through your difficult situation, with support you can heal from the pain you have suffered and find solutions for your current dilemma.

 

http://www.efpa.eu/

 

http://www.ehps.net/

 

 

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