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Thanks for bringing your question to JustAnswer.
No, this is not a trivial question!
Being in a healthy relationship involves being able to trust one another. You don't have that.
A healthy relationship makes you feel like your "best self"...it doesn't sound like you have that either.
I always find it interesting to note what information people chose to put in their short descriptions of their situation....and you wrote that your family hates her, and you've hidden the relationship. Do you want to go through life with tension with your family? Unless there is some history with them to contradict this, most families want to see their children happy...and they see something in this girl that makes them fear for your happiness.
When we're first in love, and the physical attraction is strong, sometimes we get swept away in the romance of it all....without doing "due diligence" in checking our partner's character.
Tying your life to someone who cheats, and who your family hates is not the recipe for a happy life. Knowing and understanding you is great---but if she knows and understands you so well, why did she cheat-- she had to know how much it would hurt you. Anyone would feel hurt at that.
I believe you made the right decision to leave. Try to ignore the drama of the tears. She didn't seem to mind hurting you by cheating...and this is the natural consequence of her actions.
Once you are a few weeks away from this situation, I believe you will look back with relief, not regret.
If this has been helpful, please click ACCEPT.
Thanks for the additional information.
Yes, some people do forgive such things. Usually people who have a long history together, and a foundation of trust.
I think it would be wise for you to talk to a counselor in person. If her behavior has been perfectly trustworthy at all times except for that early mistake...it may be time to take a look at why you can't let go of those hurt feelings.
My experience in these types of situations tells me that there may have been other indications of untrustworthiness now with her that is making you think back to that early betrayal. If not, see a counselor.
Tears and not eating are not uncommon at the end of a relationship. If she makes threats of harming herself, send professional help. Do not let such threats frighten you back into a relationship...as that can be emotional blackmail.
I know this is hard for you, and you feel some responsibility for her. But you first need to decide if this is a problem of yours (inability to forgive) or hers (inability to be trustworthy). Don't go back into a situation that makes you uneasy or uncomfortable just because she is upset. I expect that you are upset too...but these feelings will fade over time. Some time apart and counseling will help you sort out your feelings and whether this relationship deserves another try.
Suzanne LCSW Please click on ACCEPT if this has been helpful.
You express yourself very well in English...no worries.
There is another red flag in this note...she got involved with you while with someone else. This is a very bad sign of someone who doesn't take relationships seriously. No wonder you have a problem trusting her...she's actually cheated twice since you've known her...once with you, and once with your friend.
Relationships that start with cheating rarely end up well.
It sounds like she is still quite immature, and cannot tolerate normal time apart, and does not have her own interests. Do you really want to be with someone who wants to keep you away from your music and your family? You are still young and will have many more opportunities to meet someone more mature and compatible with you.
Only you can know what is truly in your heart, but from everything that you have written, it sounds like it is time to move on.
Please click ACCEPT if this has been helpful.
Nothing you are saying tells me that you love this girl anymore.
You feel guilty...but she makes more than you.
She has her own interests and talents, yet you said she resented you going to the studio to work on your music.
The fear of not finding someone else is not a reason to stay in a relationship that doesn't make you happy. There is always a period of discomfort when a relationship ends. People have to move, get used to new routines, find a way to make more money, etc, etc, etc. But this is just part of the process, and the fear and discomfort are part of life.
I can only give you my opinion, based on years of working with people in relationships.
It will be rough for a while, for both of you. But eventually, with time, you will both survive and thrive.
Please click Accept if this correspondence has been helpful.
That's how it seems based on the information you gave me.
And yes, the adjustment can take time. Even though you made the decision to leave, there can still be heartache involved..
I hope this has been helpful in getting your thoughts sorted out. Don't forget to click ACCEPT so I get credited for our correspondence back and forth.
I wish you all the best,