Thank you for responding so quickly. I am a software professional who works from home. Our sons are 10 and 5 years old. We both love them very much and will do anything for them. We both come from very traditional background. We both have never dated anyone else, cannot imagine being with anyone else. We have not talked about divorce, neither is it in our minds. We will probably stay married and never divorce.
But at the same time we have no relationship. In the past 12 years of marriage, we argue over small things. Then my husband decides he does not want to talk to me or eat what I cook or have sex and the time period that he does that has been increasing over the years. To him his ego is the most important, he has to be right. He has never once said sorry. But he is a great Dad.
I am tired of this and cannot be walking on egg-shells as to when the next thing that I will do will anger him. So now we do not talk just communicate what is neccessary and mainly through emails to keep the house running. We pretend everything is ok in front of our friends and family. But the stress and loniliness of all this is getting to me. I find myself shying away from friends and family as it is becoming increasingly difficult to pretend everything is ok. That is what is making me so so lonely as I have no one to talk to.
That is exactly what I need help with. I do not want to get depressed and have the ill-effects on my health. I want to be able to reach an acceptance stage, where I accept this is the state of my marriage, i.e. we are not lovers or friends but just partners working together to give our sons the best we can.
We have not talked to anyone, nor have we really talked to each other. I would like to go to marriage counseling, but my husband does not want to.
In 5 years I want to makeself stronger - but don't know how to do that emotionally. Excercising only make me physically strong (maybe?? don't seem to be making much progress right now). I want to make peace and accept that my husband does not really love me and wants to have nothing to do with me. Be able to find happiness in the happiness and well being of my sons.