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Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience:  Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
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My boyfriend cant feel my orgasm. Ive been falsy accused

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My boyfriend can't feel my orgasm. I've been falsy accused of faking it before and I just wrote it off as their insecurity but my boy friend tells me that while he believes me when I tell him that I orgasm he doesn't feel it and he could feel it very well with girls he's been with in the past. Is it possible I'm different? He says usually when a girl orgasms there are really strong vaginal his experience. We are 41 and 42 years old and neither one of us has been with a lot of people. He is totally fine and acceptining of differences but now I feel not as sexy as girls from his past. Is there something I'm missing? Just a side note: I'm possitive I'm having orgasms, it was a problem for me in the past and it caused many problems. I wouldn't waste my time with some one i didn't feel comfortable enough to get off with.
hi there,

Thanks for your question. I'm not absolutely sure who has the problem here, as you sound very happy and confident with your orgasms, and your boyfriend believes you are having them. Have you asked your boyfriend why it makes any difference that you seem to be different from his past girlfriends? the reason that he is with you now is absolutely because you are different to his past girlfriends. They have been and gone and he has chosen not to be with them any more. He has chosen to be with you. I dare say that this man is different to the other boyfriends that you have had in the past in many ways. I think your boyfriend has to question himself as to why this is so important to him, so much so that it appears to be causing you some distress. Does your boyfriend know that his questioning has made you reel less sexy? I think it is great that you are able to discuss sexual issues but to compare with past relationships can be destructive. if the issue of your boyfriend not being able to feel your muscles contracting is a problem per se, then by all means explore other ways for him to feel it -but if you are only exploring this in order to be the same as his past loves, then I think you are getting yourself into a pattern you may regret. What else might he ask you to change so that you are similar to them? Stand your ground and be yourself -he should loving you for exactly who you are right now, not because you're not like someone else. I'm no biologist, but I wondering whether age has an effect on these muscles, so that they don't contract white as well as they used to. It might be worth asking on the health page of JA if you're sure you want to peruse this, but as I said, he should love you for exactly who you are -and if you ask him, I bet he'll tell you that he does. have fun!! Sarah
Sarah and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Hi, tell him gently where your boundaries lie regarding what is personal info for you both to discuss and what causes you embarrassment when he mentions it to friends. He may say that he had had a drink in his defense, but you have to know that he can keep his boundaries, even when, and especially when he has had a drink. I guess we all have things that we don't want even our closest friends to know and we have to be able to trust our partners not to tell when they are relaxed and happy in good company. Thanks for payment, no need to pay again as I am responding to your message left in feedback. take care, Sarah

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