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Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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All what I want is to regain my wife,my family back. I am not

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All what I want is to regain my wife,my family back. I am not an alcoholist but these combined with frustration, with bad willingness make me an unbereable.All bad things what I saw in my parent's house are now back because of me ,but I hate be agressive, alcoholic, or anti-social behaviour. Because of alcohol, I had the feeling that I am the boss on the house but, the women been, are and will be the No1 on the house! I was a stupid, being so bad with my beloved son and wife. I cheated on her,that make her so unsecure.I beated her (15years ago). I deeply regret all these bad attitudes. I realize that she is my hero resisting so many years(22)with me.I'd removed for ever alcohol, and any cheating options ,away from my mind.I am ready to next step of my life beside her.I want ever-never make her suffer any more because of me. Is this true ,that a women can take out suddenly from her heart all her love feelings even the bad things was happend long time ago?I tried to touch her but she is anoyed about that. She see me that man from times when I was bad.How can I make her forgive all bad moments from our life and make room in her heart for good ones or, for new ones?She is remember only bad moments of our life but good ones are digged deeply in her mind.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 6 years ago.
Hi. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today.

I'm sorry to hear that you are finding yourself in this situation. It sounds like all of this has been difficult for you and your wife. In answer to your question, yes, it is possible for a woman (or a man) to "suddenly" lose their feelings of love for someone who has hurt them repeatedly. But actually, it's not a sudden change that comes out of nowhere - it just feels that way to the other person. The feelings of detachment and loss of love had likely been happening slowly over time, and then one more thing happens, and the feelings are gone. If your wife is at that point, then there is likely nothing you can do to change that. You can't make her forgive you if she isn't open to doing so. And even if she did forgive you, that doesn't mean that she would want to have a relationship with you. All you can do is work at being a better and different person, and hope that over time she will choose to let you back in. But there isn't anything you can do to MAKE that happen.

Best wishes and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
Tamara and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you , Tamara!
Do you think is there any chance to start a couple therapy?Also, can she go see a doctor or is this waste of time and money( anyway I am broke)
Expert:  Tamara replied 6 years ago.
Well, I don't think it would necessarily be a waste of time and money to see a therapist. Even if you didn't get back together, it would help you understand better what went wrong, and it would allow both of you to talk about things that are important to you. And I don't see any reason that she needs to see a Dr., unless there is some information here that I'm not aware of. If she is willing to go to therapy, then give it a try. Maybe it will help things. Best wishes. Tamara

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