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Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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My husband and I have been married 28 years. We recently lossed

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My husband and I have been married 28 years. We recently lossed our 22 year old son in an army helicopter crash. It has been 1 1/2 since his accident. My husband has been struggling for the last 6 months. He works out of town from where we live, he says he would rather be there than at home, has feelings for me like he would a sister, doesn't love me like he used too, has emotionly left this marriage 6 months ago. No libido, says he doesn't want it or need it to be happy. He would come home on the weekends but his body language told me he didn't want to be there. He has now decided that he needs 4-5 weeks totally away from home. He has started seeing a therapist and is talking to a priest.
Is there any hope that he will be able to work thru all of this and want to come back to me? I have spoken to him once and his voice does sound better (has some warmth). I am struggling and am seeing a therapist also. Thank you.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 6 years ago.
Hi. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today.

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your son and the resulting issues that have surfaced in your marriage. The loss of a child can be very difficult for a marriage to survive, so what your husband (and you) are going through is not uncommon. I'm glad to hear that you are talking with a therapist right now. That is probably one of the best things you can be doing for yourself. You can't change what your husband is doing and feeling, but you can continue to work on yourself.

Of course there is a chance that your husband will work through this and want to come home. But there isn't any way to know, or even predict, whether or not that will happen. He apparently has some confusing feelings to work through, and I'm sure they are all complicated by grief. So the best thing you can do is to be patient and wait to see what happens. In the meantime, continue to try to talk with him, and do your best to give him what he needs right now. If he brings up something that is a problem for him in your relationship, be willing to talk about it. You can be there for him, but ultimately he is going to have to work his issues and make a decision based on what his needs are. I know this is a hard time for you, because you have needs too. But do your best to be open to him, and continue to work with your therapist on your needs and feelings. Hopefully this will all pass and you will both be in a better place - with yourselves and with each other.

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
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