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Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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i dont know what to ask. I just know the man i am married

Resolved Question:

i dont know what to ask. I just know the man i am married to a master manipulator and i we have been in therepy and somehow it always gets turned around that it is my fault or my son's. I would like to hear basic skills in dealing with him, his temper tantrums, threats, drinking, I could just go on and on. presently i am seeing a psychiatrist she has me on wellburton, xanax, amitriptiline, and adderal. so i am being medicated but i want off this medicine and i dont want to take it just to be able to cope with him. I am at the end of being able to cope with anything. It is affecting everything in my life. where do you start?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 6 years ago.
Hi. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today.

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this situation with your husband. It sounds like you have been through a lot just to try to figure out how to be in a relationship with him. I think that the most important thing you can do right now is to stay in therapy and try to figure out what is going on with you that you are choosing these types of men. Although I'm glad to hear that you are tired of trying to cope with your husband, running to a new relationship is not the answer - esp. if your intuition is telling you that he isn't committed. Pay attention to your intuition! It's smarter than your "rational" mind that can really get you into a mess.

You are married to a narcissist, and learning basic skills in dealing with him isn't going to change anything. But to satisfy that part of you, let me recommend these books: Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving With the Self-Absorbed by Wendy T. Behary and Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life by XXXXX XXXXXez-Lewi. both of these will give you ideas on how to deal with your husband and his manipulations.

Honestly, however, I would like to see you look at why you are willing to stay in this kind of relationship. You're taking 4 medications just to cope. Is that really worth it? You've tried a lot of things. They obviously haven't worked. You even got divorced and went back. So I think the relevant issue here is why you don't think you deserve better than this. Until you figure that out, it's going to be hard to avoid making this same mistake again.

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
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