Of course you want to be with her and "have fun", which is only part of the whole picture with her. Did
you ever think of how unavailable you are for a mutual relationship when you're tethered to her and her LOVENEEDLOVENEED? Think of the light at the end of the tunnel (not the train!)....you can have fun AND be loved - like you deserve to be loved.
I'm glad you're going on holiday, and I'm glad you're not going with an emotional relapse. Take the time to be gentle with yourself and clear your head. If you get fuzzy, print and read our notes - it'll help you stick with the program.
The situation is crazy at times, James, but you're not crazy. You're the sane one in the tornado of emotional wreckage. How you're so sane is beyond me, but you do have "it". You're the one who can make it through and come out the other end. You have what it takes - just stick to discipline, hang tight with your God, and remember who you really belong to on this earth: it' not the nut jobs, I can assure you...no matter how pretty the package is.
You deserve no less than a loving, mutual relationship.