Thnaks for the reply. What you have told me suggests that you are uncomfortable with the prospects of forming relationships in general, and sexual relationships in particular. At your age - that is not entirely un common, but you seem to be so afraid that you are going to extreme (and dangerous) lengths to avoid what could be a most fulfilling part of your life. Now, I,m not going to say that relationships of any kind are always safe and cosy - because they're not. The can be hard to handle and destructive too. However, good relationships - and good sexual relationships are one of the foundations on which a happy and fulfilling life are built. Think of the people you know who are happy, and those who are miserable - who has the best relationships with others? If you can only get over this fear you life will completely turn around. Totally. A whole new dawn - and no more need to torture yourself. Genuine happiness. For that reason, I’m going to suggest that you would benefit greatly from a course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It is a form of therapy that addresses problems in a direct and targeted way and is brief compared with most other therapies.
CBT is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also cause the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.
These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them. We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.
If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted,
the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful. The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.
Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.
Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates. Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change.
Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.
Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:
If you cannot afford to see a therapist, there are good free CBT based self-help resources here:
IAlso, I’d ;like you to look at this website too:
I’m sure it would help.
Best wishes, Norman.