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Tamara
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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Ive been married for eight years and have two young children.

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I've been married for eight years and have two young children. My wife is increasingly unhappy about my career(hours and pay). I have looked for another job, but there are not a lot of options for a career hospitality manager in this economy. Money is very tight, we both are stressed and my children (3 and 5) are starting to complain about missing me. I feel very frustrated. I am grateful for any income ( after being unemployed for significant time the last 4 years) but I want my family to be happy. Is it as simple as staring over in another field? I believe my wife has unrealistic expectations regarding work commitments and this is a problem for me. I realize that there are a number of issues here, but I continually have to face this issue whenever we talk about "us".
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 6 years ago.
Hi. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today.

I'm sorry that you are having these problems and stresses in your life and relationship. I know these situations can be very stressful. Your wife and children seem unhappy, and you are feeling a lot of pressure to fix it all. So the first thing you have to do is get yourself to a point where you can consider your life and your options - without anyone else's input right now. You've got to have an opportunity to quiet your mind and look at what feels right for YOU at this point - not for everyone else. You're not going to be able to get any answers when you are feeling pressured to hurry up and "fix" things. It may indeed be true that your wife has unrealistic expectations, but until you get away from HER needs, you aren't going to know for sure. I know your ultimate goal is to be a good provider and make your family happy without killing yourself in the process. It can be done. But you won't find the answer from the position of feeling inadequate and pressured. If possible, I would encourage you to talk with a therapist for a couple of sessions to see if you can gain some clarity on how you feel about things and to clarify exactly what the issues are. If this isn't possible, find some time to be alone and quiet, get some paper and a pen, and start exploring your truth about all this. If you keep doing this, focusing on finding a solution (not pressuring yourself, just being open) you will begin to get some answers. I know this isn't a "solution" to your problem, but you can't work with yourself and your wife to find one until you get yourself centered and in a good place mentally. Then it will happen.

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
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