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Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience:  Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
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I have lived with a man who has been destroying my property

Customer Question

I have lived with a man who has been destroying my property for 9 years. he say its was garbage, but he won't do it anymore, but he always does. He also swore off porn but it just became clear he's been doing it all along. Always hidden and covered up. I'm in a state of physical and emotional shock. Is there hope?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Sarah replied 3 years ago.

Hello,

 

There is a therapy that will allow you to process away the feelings of shock that you are holding from these incidents, and it is called EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. It is a trauma therapy, designed to allow the memories stored in the subconscious mind as a result of traumatic incidents to be processed away, allowing the memories to fade back in time instead of always feeling 'as if they were yesterday'. The subconscious mind always takes the role of protecting ourself, so its intentions are always good. However, it sometimes takes on board irrational beliefs based on the experiences we have had, so for example, you may be reacting to the lies, the dishonesty and what that means for you in this world.

 

Have a look on www.emdr.com where you can find more information about this therapy and therapists local to yourself. The therapist will guide you through each stage of the therapy at your own pace, allowing you to let go of what has happened to you and the impact it has had.

 

I hope this is helpful and wish you well. Not everyone in this world is like this and you can begin to believe this again. Best Wishes, Sarah

Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience: Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
Sarah and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you. In my mind i know I need to take care of myself and move forward, but feel paralyzed. My partner is now acting supportive, but I can't tell if it's a break through or just skin deep, like all the other times. He says he has a hard time feeling and expressing love, and seems to have hidden anger issues. I know i am not perfect, but have worked hard, loved him and been faithful all these years. The little lies have gone on so long, despite his new attitude of caring, I feel guarded and bereft. I'll check out the site you suggested. I think that will help me get over the pain and paralysis.
Expert:  Sarah replied 3 years ago.
Well done, you know you need to take care of yourself and you should begin to feel much more confident if you do so. The paralysis may be something you have felt before and your partner is triggering in you. It isn't much good me suggesting how this is happening as all the answers exist inside your subconscious mind, in exactly the right format. My suggestions of how it might piece together won't help you, it's something only your mind can do. It sounds like your partner has his own issues and 'stuff' to deal with and maybe he could benefit from some EMDR too. men were often encouraged as small boys to hide their emotions "be a strong boy, big boys don't cry" etc. and the emotions go inwards and become destructive, causing anger which the person cannot always explain. He probably feels that he genuinely loves you, but is probably also affected by some inner issues. This is not your responsiblity and you do not have to suffer for them. Take good care of yourself, Sarah
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your help last year. Since I have not used the service in months, I am cancelling, but your information was extremely helpful. I have split from the personI asked about and am now independent and very happy!

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