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Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
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This is a new question related to the one about keeping me hostage. If you can delete the one about getting pissed etc., that would be fine. It doesnt look too appealing when I log on.
In reply to my legal hassle you mentioned that, 'they will find a way that works in keeping me hooked in, keeping me in bondage'. I am interested to know why you say that. Its sounds like you are describing something about who and what they are, ( NPD for example ). I constantly feel like I'm fighting some sort of brainwashing, so if you think its characteristacally a manipulation then I'm asking for your help to see that. I mean, I see that, but my confidence that its not just in all my head is really weak. I had an hour longmeeting with one of the top barristers in the high court who helped serve this 'bondage' on my case and I found that she seemed more sucked into the greasy social pole of serving thier vain interests rather than the legal principle at stake which ofcoarse considered my freedom from these types. Long story there. But is it characteristic of NPD parants to hold thier kids in hostage to the will of themselves? My stress got to the point on Friday of closing my bank account and going for revolution in Christendom itself!
Hello & Welcome to Just Answers.

Yes, it is common for NPD parents to find ways to keep their children victimized and stifled. It's about entitlement. When NPD parents have children, they don't see them as individuals, they see them as their own personal sources of glory and gratification. Often more like a pet or a toy that they treat badly. They get angry and lash out and they want the person "gone"...but not for long. They feel entitled to abuse you and that you should just take what they dish out.....because they own you. A child's need for his parents almost guarantees that you'll suck up to their demands for many years...trying harder to 'be good' and all that. Its very generic, which makes it all the more insulting to the child. To work so hard to please a person laying carrots before you, only to find they had no investment other than sport, control and boredom.

It is a form of you were raised in a small cult. (cult leaders typically are NPDs). It takes a long time to live your way out of the old patterns, but it can be done, and is every day by children of alcoholics and personality disorders. It looks like a Gordian Knot, but like the most famous one, it can be cut with a broad stroke.

Reflective time away from the personality disordered and with good sources of reality testing and feedback is what you should be looking for at this phase of the game. You need time to find your own version of what is real, important, and important to you.

Breathe. Discover more about your likes and can start with food and music and colors...clothes and locations. Focus on yourself and explore your own world without their influence.

Hang in there, James - you can do this.

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