Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Thanks for your question and well done for wanting to change.
This will depend upon whether or not you work with children. If not, I would suggest that this is an issue you could discuss with an individual therapist before you give them your name and number. I admire you for wanting to deal with this yourself and hope that you are able to find someone who is willing to work with you without causing further issues for you at work.
If you do work with children, then your therapist will really have to let your superiors know about the information as those children that you work with are at risk from you. This would be the standard that you should find with most, if not all therapists, for they have a moral obligation to keep those children safe.
If you do work with children and you are genuine about wanting to change your offending behaviour, then I would suggest that you seriously consider changing your job, because part of your rehabilitation will be about removing yourself from situations where children are present. You could hand in your notice without any need to disclose why and see a therapist without the worry that they will tell your employer. This would be the very first and very important step towards rehabilitation. It would leave you without employment, but it would leave you with time to concentrate on changing what you know to be wrong, if you can afford it in a financial way. It might be more positive to have no job, but be morally right than earning a wage, being morally 'wrong'.
It is not for me to be judgmental, but you know that what you do is wrong and have decided to change. I think you have made a huge step in your life and I wish you all the very best in following this through.
If you have any further questions regarding this, please feel free to direct them to myself in the opening sentence. Best Wishes, Sarah
I cannot give you a categorical answer to that question because individuals will take their own personal view on the situation; other than you are not a 'risk to anybody' unless you have offended against adults as well - you are a risk to 'children' and children will be present in that working environment.
I totally understand that you are trying so hard, that your family are standing by you and you have placed your own children in good hands, so seriously well done for all of those things. I cannot praise you highly enough for trying and I wish there were more people (who have offended) who have the courage that you are showing to change your situation.
I suggest that you think through how your job may or may not bring you into contact with children and show that you are willing to adapt to avoid this risk - do you work in a pool area? do you work in the children's club? Do you have supervisory responsibilities with children? These are clearly situations where the social welfare and therapist must consider breaking confidentiality. You could take your thoughts to your therapist on Friday so that s/he can see how much thought you have given this and how seriously you are taking it.
I hope this email is seen as supportive but I am also going to be blunt - as you are well aware, children are not taken into hotels to be offended against and if such a thing were to happen, and the incident went to court, the therapist and the social services would be brought in for questioning - where they would have to declare that they were aware of the situation - their credibility would be destroyed and they would probably lose their jobs. We have seen it on the news many times when they have been in this situation.
You have done really well to ask for support - I can imagine that this has not been easy. However; you, alone, are responsible for your behaviours (as we all are) and for managing your risk levels - your risk levels should not be managed by social services and a therapist (ie you are allowed to work in an environment where there are children without anyone telling your employer) so that you can fulfill your need to support your family. Although supporting your family is of utmost importance for you (understandably so), I believe it is not important enough to allow you to be in this environment where children are around, as your behaviour brings them a potential risk. I do hope you can understand what I am trying to say here. There are many people who have to change their jobs for many reasons and still have to support their families - this reason is critical - both for your future (you may risk a prison sentence) your family's future (they need you to provide for them) and for the well-being of the children who are simply visiting a hotel (the effects on victims is massive.)
Please bear with me whilst I try to offer you a different perspective (and I'm not trying to be funny) - if a man who is cruel to animals works in a vet, and tells the relevant services that he wants to change his cruel behaviour, and allows his pets to be cared for elsewhere, but he says he can't change his job because he needs the money to support his family, what would your advice to him be? How is he helping his own cause?
To follow through your good intentions to change your behaviour, I can see two options available to you - allow your employers to be brought into the situation so that you are allowed to adapt your work roles so that you are NEVER allowed to be with children alone OR make a deal with your therapist that you will search for different work (are there child-free hotels?) whilst you are doing therapy.
I realize you are only just beginning therapy, but one of the things you will need to look at during therapy will be how to manage your behaviours - how to avoid situations where you may have risky thoughts, feelings or behaviours - and that means not being alone with children. So if your job involves being with children, you will be expected to show your willingness to change this - which may involve changing jobs.
If you were asked the question 'what would you rather do, support your family, or increase the risk of offending against a child?' what would your answer be? what are the consequences and impact of each? Can you work (support your family) without being a risk to a child, by changing your work environment? Can you afford to put yourself in a high risk environment and to risk offending against a child and then still support your family? Where do your responsibilities lie for yourself, your family, the children out there?
I hope I have given you food for thought. I am offering these questions as things for you to think about, not for you to send the answers to. I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX is helpful to you.
Thanks for your payment, I have just picked up your last question - I'm sorry, you have moved into a legal sphere and I simply don't know the answers - it would be wrong of me to guess - you might get some good advice from lawyers on line if you post it on the legal page.
I would just like to repeat that I think you have been extremely brave and courageous to accept that you need to change your behaviours. Whilst you are concentrating on therapy, try and also think of all the good things about who you are and how good it makes you feel to know that you have good parts to you too. This will keep up your motivation to do well and to keep on the straight and narrow. Make a dream board - a chart with pictures on of what you would like to achieve in the future - it is going to be a hard road, but this will help you to be positive when the chips are down.
I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX the very best - if you have any more questions after Friday, feel free to ask for me. Best Wishes, Sarah