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Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
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i am in love with a narcissist, and having read a lot on line

Customer Question

i am in love with a narcissist, and having read a lot on line about them, am amazed at the lack of symapthy or understanding they are shown by the professional Mental health body.....No one seems to offer a solution or a way to help them, RATHER than the victims.....? this seems an anachronistic approach to mental health.

I have the emotional fortitude, patience and forbearance to endure her condition, but it is very difficult to bond with her, because she intinctively pushes me away when i try to get close. How do i seduce her into wanting to be with me?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Anna replied 6 years ago.
Hello & Welcome to Just Answers.

You can seduce a NPD by mirroring them. Give eye contact, repeat back what they say, make similar movements, dress similarly, & say you like the same things they do. Go out of your way to be selfless and cater to her. Shower her with compliments and create the illusion that there is no one more important than her.

But, you need to understand that hooking her in to you doesn't mean that she has the capacity for emotional intimacy, which is what will usually sustain a relationship. NPDs want to have the power over others, but submitting your own 'self' to win her means that you don't get to have it both ways....

The best match for a NPD is a submissive personality, which allows them to be the dominant one. This agreement works for many couples.

My best to you.

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
For anna: So it is not possible to somehow gain the upper hand? Eveything is always done on her schedule, with the imminent threat of loss always looming, it is so emasculating. Is there no way of setting her clear boundaries in a subtle way, so that she is less capricious and selfish. This is what I mean by the lack of a solution... If I worship her she will come to think of me as weak and will loose interest... Is there no happy medium?
Expert:  Anna replied 6 years ago.

Honestly? Not usually. That doesn't mean it won't work for you, but the nature of the illness precludes emotional intimacy, which would be the basis of give and take. If you're into the perpetual challenge, these kinds of relationships work. If you're into loyal committed, intimate relationships, you're most likely not going to find it with someone who has a personality disorder.

It's like the question, "Why is snow cold?" If it wasn't cold, it would be water. Personality disorders are just that: disordered. They don't work normally. You can spend all your time trying to manage her....but what is the point of that? The "win" would be hollow and only last nanoseconds.

Take care!

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