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Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience:  APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
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I need advice about the man I live with who is mentally abus

Resolved Question:

I need advice about the man I live with who is mentally abusing me. He has sudden mood swings & becomes very aggresive. he has rages at me as he did last night & I become extremely distraught & start to shake with stress. He grabbed my wrists & shouted at me raging. I was curled on the floor & started to pray because I couldn't cope & he said I was ill & needed help & that he was going to call the police. If I start to cry he says I am controlling when in fact he is an extremely controlling person.He scrawled words on a piece of paper saying RAGE, ANGER RESENTMENT. Which he meant applies to me?! He has had councelling in the past because of his rages, he is worse when he drinks & has has been to AA in the past. He Always projects his behavoiur back onto me, This morning I said to him that he should be ashamed for his behaviour & he showed me the paper he scrawled the words on & said I needed help.
He always takes things very personally & seems to exhibit 2 personalities. The other one is a generous & affectionate person, but a switch seems to click in his head & he changes. He also has had cognitive behavior therapy & I have tried to get him to see his councellor again but he won't. I am a very patient person, but I need advice I want to help him, but I don't know what is wrong with him. Please can you help? The man's age is 59 & the relationship is in it's 3rd year.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 4 years ago.
Hello:

You need to listen to your friends. I am glad that you can help people with their problems, but they need to want help. No one can help someone who doesn't want it, and he clearly thinks you have the problem.

BotXXXXX XXXXXne: We cannot control other people. We can only control ourselves.

Please make the best decision for you.

I wish you well.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I was hoping that you could give me some sort of diagnosis for this behaviour. Your answer is not specific at all - this is common sense that everyone knows. I have offered to go with him to a pshycologist & have any kind of tests to prove I have no mental health issues & asked him if he will do the same, but he refuses.I thought that speaking to a qualified expert would give me a better answer or at least another
avenue of inquiry where I can get a conclusive diagnosis I never make decisions unless they are informed ones, the truth is very important to me. I feel I have been sold short.
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 4 years ago.
It is not ethical for us to diagnose someone we have not seen, but if I had to guess, his diagnosis is alcoholism, with some traits of borderline personality disorder.

If you are still not satisfied with the answer, please let me know so I can opt out and let another expert assist you.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
He is an alchoholc I now kwow this but was't told at the beginning of the relationship, he kept alluding to what it he called the "old" Jon who behaved very badly, but I didn't know what he meant because he didn't explain about all his past therapy. I now know about this and he seems to be reverting back to past behaviour. I was hoping that I could find out if there was any hope of a cure for this or if you could advise me on another avenue of research. If another expert can help me I would be very grateful & will pay for another answer if necessary. Thank you
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 4 years ago.
OK, I will opt out and ask another expert to assist you.
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience: APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
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