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Ask Carol Kryder LMFT Your Own Question
Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience:  APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
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I had been married for 28 years and my marriage failed two

Resolved Question:

I had been married for 28 years and my marriage failed two years ago. I am now at a point where I am trying to find out what it is I want so that I can set some goals but I don't know where to start thinking. I have spent my life taking care of others and helping them reach their goals so don't know how to set any for myself now? I am becoming very frustrated and depressed because I don't know how to do it or what it is I want.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 6 years ago.
Hello:

You have finally broken free from a destructive lifestyle and are a little confused as to how to proceed. Just take a breath and understand that you now will be able to do for yourself what you have done for others all your life.

Make a list of what you would like to accomplish. Then prioritize the items. Be as creative as you want. List even silly or unrealistic things, the idea is to get the ideas flowing. Then determine how realistic they are, what kind of education you will need, financial capital, etc. Some colleges offer courses in career goals and aptitude. You may wish to take one of those classes. There may even be some online that you could try. Take the time to explore who YOU are and what YOU want.

Now is not the time to move away from your support system. Stay put until you get your plan established. This could be the beginning of the most exciting time of your life. Embrace it and be all you can be.

Let me know if you have further questions.

Warm regards,

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I have already tried to sit and work out what it is I would like to accomplish and that is where the frustration is coming from, I don't know what it is I would like to do. My goal was always to have a family and I have three wonderful children so this has been achieved. My only other thing I wanted to do was something that I needed a partner to do so this is now not possible. I am not a wanting person there is nothing that I want for myself i am fortunate and have everything that I need this is why I can't find that starting point
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 6 years ago.
Maybe it is time to expand your horizons. If money and education were not a barrier, what would you like to do with the rest of your life? Teach English to children in Africa? Design houses? You need to let your imagination go freely. Sit quietly in a dark room, light a candle and play soft music. Breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try to clear your mind, then ask yourself the question. How do I want to spend the rest of my life? Don't try to force solutions and write down anything that comes up no matter how ridiculous. Any idea is valid. If not possible for you, at least you can be pointed in the proper direction. You have everything you need, so now is the time to reach out and try to help others.

As for what you wanted to do that requires a partner, is it so hard to find someone who can do this with you? You should be able to find someone who has the same passion you do to accomplish that goal, so maybe that is where you should look first. '

Please be patient with yourself. The answer will come, just relax and let it come.

Warm wishes
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