Thank you for your reply. I have answered your questions below.
To go back to the very basics, has he had a good sex education from school or yourself?
Yes, from both. My son became sexually active last year. He admitted it to us after the fact. We explained our view that we thought he was too young for sexual activity and why both emotionally and physically. We then provided him with condoms.
Do you have an open relationship where he can talk about his feelings and how they affect his behaviour?
I thought we did. Since hitting puberty my son has become more and more reclusive. I have let him know that he can tell me anything, but he only tells me what he wants to tell me. He lets me in sometimes.
Can you buy books that help him to discuss feelings, girlfriends, etc.
If he is unwilling to talk with you as parent(s), would he talk to someone at school or through the health clinic, or a professional relationships counselor?
My son has spoken to counseloors before. He had a suicide attempt last year and was hospitlaized for a week in a mental health facility. Afterwards he had outpatient counseling. I was told he was a healthy teenager who had acted impulsively. I called a counselor today to seek guidance for myself as well as both children.
In terms of getting a grip on the scale of the problem, are you in a position to truly know whether he has done this before or not with any children, at home or elsewhere?
There was an incident before with his other younger sister (she is now aged 10). At the time my son was 10-yo and that sister was 5-yo. I thought the age difference was a gray area. It could have been experimental or a red flag. As he was only 10-yo I spoke with him about what constitutes sexual abuse and the effect it has on the victim. He was mortified and said he did not want to hurt his sister. I assured him that learning these things was just a part of growing up. I asked this sis ter if there had been any recurrence of sexual contact and she said there has not been.
Other than that I do not know. I do know that most sexual offenses go unreported, so I would not know.
Can you think of any reason why your son may have chosen a small girl
No. He claims she walked in on him masturbating and that is when he asked her if she would put his penis into her mouth. For some reason I do not entirely believe this story. Perhaps I find it odd that his initial reaction to being caught masturbating was not immediate embarrassment.
does he mix with both girls and boys of his own age?
He has had a few girlfriends. He has school aquaintances. He and his best firend have had a falling out this past year and due to the lack of supervision and some of the less than stellar activites going on in his firned's home we have prohibited our son from visiting in his friend's home. His friend has chosen not to visit my son in our home. I do not know why. I have been told it is because we do not allow minors to smoke.
does he have male friends who have girlfriends, acting as appropriate role models of a 15 year old?
I am not aware of any of his friends that are dating. My son dated a young lady for most of this past school year. He ended the relationship. He told me that he cared very much for her but was not interested in immature games, such as flirting with other boys to make him jealous. He said she always wanted him to rescue her from one thing after another and he felt drained. He told me that he wanted to date a girl who was more independent and shared his ideas of loyalty and intimacy. I thought that sounded healthy.
Does he have outside interests and activities that keep him occupied?
Yes, he plays soccer.
Does he have private access to a computer and are you aware of what he is looking at on there?
He does not have private access to our home computer. He has a myspace acct that I have access to. I have not seen anythin that would indicate any abnormal behavior.
does he lack self-confidence?
Yes and No. He knows that he is smart and athletic. He is not shy, but is not overly confident either.
is there a possibility that your son was subjected to a sexual experience as a young boy by anyone at all?
I divorced to my son's biological father when he was 2-yo. My husband (step-father) and I have raised my son since he was 4-yo. My son's biological father dated a few unsavory females immediately after our divorce. One of them lived with my ex-husband for a short period of time. My son told me that she used to kiss him like she kissed his daddy, with her tongue in his mouth. He would have about 3-31/2 yo when this happened and the girl in question had already dissapeared when my son told me about this. I could not confirm or deny anything further.
1) I would like to know if I should keep my son from being alone with his siblings and if so how can I do that without causing more harm?
2) Does this mean he is a sex offender and how is that even determined or defined?