I hope that we can be helpful to you.
It would be inappropriate and unethical to provide a diagnosis to you over the internet without knowing more about you and/or your concerns. A true diagnosis can only be provided by a Licensed Mental Health Professional like myself or the other experts on JA after, at minimum, a clinical interview and (perhaps) following appropriate diagnosis protocols.
That being said, there is a class of mental disorders called the paraphilias, derived from the greek, para (deviation) and philia (love/attraction). There is a form of paraphilia called transvestic fetishism (also known as cross-dressing) where males derive sexual pleasure from dressing up as females. It really is important to emphasize that it this behavior is not considered a "mental disorder" if you're able to otherwise function, you're not harming yourself or anyone else, you're not violating anyone's rights, and it isn't something you're gravely ashamed of.
Cross-dressing has not been shown to be associated homosexuality or transgenderism, but may be related to other paraphilias in some cases (meaning arousal from other "unusual" objects or behaviors). The majority of cross-dressers are heterosexual males - many of whom have happy marriages and family lives. Just as there are a wide variety of men on the planet - there are a wide variety of cross-dressing men, too!
Allow me to emphasize:
(a) I am not providing a diagnosis... you would need to do that in a face-to-face conversation with an LMHP;
(b) this behavior is not considered a disorder if you're able to function, you're not harming yourself or others, you're not violating anyone's rights, and it isn't something you're gravely ashamed of;
(c) there *are* some theories about where this behavior originates - but it's largely theoretical and not particularly helpful, in my view.
BotXXXXX XXXXXne: if you enjoy it and you're not hurting anybody, what's the problem?
Best of luck to you. I hope you find this response helpful. (Additional questions are welcomed, if needed.)
As I suggested earlier, there are only theories to describe why this occurs - and it is actually considered within the realms of typical human sexual behavior (again, provided you don't hurt yourself or others, don't violate anybody's rights, and you still function).
Some have suggested that it may be due to learning in early childhood - perhaps due to close attachment with a female figure (often mom), where you first began to notice sexual feelings. Some feel that it is learned - meaning you had the inkling to try it, enjoyed it, and this reinforced the feeling - just establishing a habit or preference. While there is undoubtedly a neurochemical component (since neurochemistry is involved in ALL human behavior, including sexuality), there is not a medication used to address it.
You indicate that "you need help." What kind of help do you need? Do you want it to stop?
No, I do not want to stop. I will more then likely continue when I can.
I was just looking for a "why".
Thanks for your help
Best of luck to you.
Just as cross-dressing is as different as every man who wears a dress, so too are the causes. Enjoy!
Please ACCEPT answer, if you haven't already.