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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  PsyD, LPC, CHt
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My boyfriend has completely shut me out emotionally. He claims

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My boyfriend has completely shut me out emotionally. He claims he adores me but he's not sure what the right thing to do is. He claims he wants a family with me and a marriage, but that he can't control this shuttinmg down mechanism. He is 30 year sold & says this has happened in every relationship he has been in. No relationship of his has gone past 7 or 8 months. Why is he doing this ? And what should my reaction be ?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 6 years ago.

Good Evening,


Your reaction should be one of concern (it does not seem that he is seeking long term commitment) The reasons for this may be many. 1/ he feels that he is too young to settle down, does not want to take on family and fatherhood responsibilities, 2/fears that he would be the one hurt by his partner and therefore withdraws first as a defense mechanism 3/ he truly does not know what he wants out of life and what his priorities may be. The issue here is if he indeed cannot control this behavior or that he is not willing to try. Stay on guard and try to really find out what is going on. If he does not what he wants to do, then he can take different steps to figure it out- counseling, self help/soul searching, making a list of short and long term goals, offering suggestions of what some of your contribution to his self examination may be (couple's therapy, couple's retreat, etc) Do not take it light that he is saying he does not know and when he tells you the same thing over and over. Why should you be the one in limbo?


Emotional Unavailability : Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap by Bryn C. Collins

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
He is not opne to couple's therapy. He figures if we need counseling this early on in our relationship its not worth the trouble. We went on vacation this past long weekend and that is where everything came to a head, I spent a day and a half in tears. I haven't spoken to him since Monday when he dropped me off at home. What is the appropriate course of action at this point ?

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