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Anna
Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
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My son is 30 and getting married in 2 weeks time. He has been

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My son is 30 and getting married in 2 weeks time. He has been pressurised over the past 13 yrs by his father into not speaking to me. I divorced his father after a 22 yr marriage. Everytime my son and I started to get some relationship back his father always sabotaged this, in very subtle and quiet ways, but it has had an effect and now my son does not speak to me at all. His partner says it is due to the pressure from his Dad, something I have always known. My dilema is this: do I send a present even though my son will not acknowledge it? He never even sends a text or a message to thank me for any presents ie birthday, Xmas that I give to him via his partner. I feel I just can't ignore his wedding by not sending anthing at all, yet my self respect tells me otherwise. Thank you for your help.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Anna replied 4 years ago.
Hello & Welcome to Just Answers.

Your son nor your ex completely owns your relationship with either of them...you own a part of it and you can do what you want to with that part. Sometimes the strongest test of good manners is in how you deal with bad manners. I think this is one of those situations where you hold true to yourself and be who you are.

Your son is getting married. Your son who has been manipulated and brainwashed by your ex. It's tragic, but your son is a victim. Don't allow your ex's rude and hurtful behavior have any more control over you than it already did.

You can enjoy searching for gifts for you son and grandchildren and then send them into the wind. It's the thought that counts, and make no mistake: your thoughts count. Your son may not have the internal fortitude to stand up to his controlling father, but you can show grace and dignity in the face of the tragedy. Hold your head up and do whatever YOU want to do. Do your part and leave the results up to them. It's a way to show respect for yourself and all the others involved by holding fast to your role as a mother.

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Thanks!

Anna

Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
Anna and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
You have no idea how helpful this is to me Anna. My daughter in law has told me in the past that he keeps my cards, she found a few in a drawer one day while having a clear out. I have exactly the same thoughts as you have written here, it is just that with the wedding getting so very close now, my confidence seems to wane because of the sadness of the situation, but I know what is the correct thing to do, and your words here today will no doubt, help me to get through the day and cope with my emotions and come out the other end still intact. Thanks again.

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