Helpful insight-he has never drank-still don't see him drinking but hadn't considered the access to their meds! He used to work in biomedical field (in the real world) and stated that he saw parents practically every single night-and he knows his way around hospitals. That could be masked with Dr. Pepper...kidding about sad situation of operatic proportions. And of course, college area rife with pot, pills and opportunity. Wow, I'd so rather see someone be happy - long hair was really long and asexual relationship? I even challenged that one and said no way-and all he would confess is that she turned out to be having other boyfriends.
Excuse my naivete-but are we talking about craigslist kind of things? I only finally looked at recently! Or chat sites where you can be in a character?
Obviously, I challenged the idea that he remained asexual-she and he traveled and were very public-maybe that was the idea?
She also drained him financially and he rescued her all the time-as well as paid for Europe, daughter's wedding kinds of things.
I was shocked that he had just paid off debts via inheritance-and saved from serious financial problem. She seems to have victimized him?
Currently, I think he has married, not very stable, "best girlfriend" who I looked up has criminal history and she has created all of these scenarios in which she neeeds $$. That is why I am confused. She seems more the predator for $$ and has been setting the stage I think...
So why would he be looking for his own victimization trophy?
I now realize that, the dark side of internet, would have helped him along with taking care of his parents-when would you do anything "normal" in terms of personal time?
With my impression, and the "asexual" girlfriend does have a "user" reputation (and BPD) in this town, she was well taken care of and he was victim? She was the one who moved his parents to his town...and to his demise...but it was a great control of his time.
New person could be a victimization trophy if it were sex with her-but she is convincing him she needs his $$-and I'm sure he told her about inheritance.
So convincing me to "front" maybe or be the stabilizing force or pleasant memories is the goal? I become victimized by being with a "shape shifter?"
And he will continue to seek women who will provide stability in a false reality?
I'm pretty shocked that he would attempt to defraud me-I'm one of the most "real" people he ever knew. He sees me as a good source and targeted me?
And I am not a good choice for hiding-we still have lots of connected friends between us-or does that make it even more legitimate?
Would he have a meltdown if I confront this? I know...but I have low tolerance of dupllicity but I am motivated for people to be happy.
Hey, my mother's early boyfriend-same red hair type-ended up being the mayor of Key West for quite a long time!
Why not keep me as a friend-which I already was-and have his own house and we have intermittent catch-up contact about people, friends, etc.?
I don't get his choice to try and have a relationship-this is someone who should be able to say "new lifestyle" and knows I wouldn't lose my mind. Brain affected by drugs?
It's like....I'm fine with the truth...just be who you really are and I can still know you.
Is confrontation a bad idea?
I think he has been leaving a bread trail of crumbs anyway.
Why rescue women in martyrdom way?
Doesn't offer me lots of money, etc.!
Is he apologizing to women? To his mother? He is really still mourning his mother-and actually refers to himself as a mama's boy. That was never their relationship nor did he ever say that before.
Is he mad at women? Giving them money controls them?
He was, and still is for his age, attractive and garnered lots of attention.
Am I in danger of a "rage" if I underburden myself with asking the question?
Thanks-it is going to be a huge shift to deal with this one.
Drugs has to be a part of this-really best explanation for paranoia.
Thanks for both of your replies!
Ding! I get the need for drama-stay sick, keep sick girlfriends and it will begin with fireworks and end with major drama-which the last one did. This new one same thing-fireworks and can only end in some major drama.
That explains feeding the need for drama = money. In past, he was not cheap but not extravagant ever. The latest BPD has woven a wild web of fantasy/victimization tales. He is enjoying telling them to me ad infinitum.
Negative experiences are still worth a buzz....
Knowing he doesn't know his own "truth" helps greatly-no reason to draw him a picture.
He is getting more comfortable telling me about everyday outings - in past but no timeline-with transgendered friend. He did begin the story of friend as warned by others that he was really a man!
Probably enjoys the buzz of being seen with him in town...I'll get brave and take a look at alt.com.
Peacock feathers are looking like they are molting these days but he is still leading a parade.
Alarming he cannot realize that people that used to know him can see the difference-that corroborates he has no idea of the truth of himself.
Wish he had a family member to at least keep the $$ intact-but then they would have to face it all...they don't have the strength.
I have the strength but I could never reach him nor would the cost of losing myself be worth the effort.
Time in this dimension/planet/galaxy must be spent in healthy relationships.