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Tamara
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1072
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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I lost my Dad to a sudden heart attack. My Parents were married

Customer Question

I lost my Dad to a sudden heart attack. My Parents were married for 30 years and my Mom started dating a man my age ( 39 ) only six months after my Dad's Death. We rarely see her anymore since she has chosen to spend most of her time with her new boyfriend's family. The whole situation really bothers me although I have accepted the situation in hopes that we can maintain some kind of relationship. I just lost a Dad and my kids a Grandpa and I really don't want to lose a Mom/Grandma too.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 4 years ago.
Hi. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today. I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your father, and the subsequent difficult situation with your mother. It's hard enough when a parent starts dating after the death of a spouse, but in your situation it's compounded by her choosing to date someone your age. I'm sure you worry about your mother's mental state, and how to deal with an awkward situation. However, I think your only option is what you are trying to do - accept it for what it is, and do your best to maintain whatever relationship you can with her. People deal with grief in different ways, and this may be your mother's way of avoiding the pain she feels over the loss of your father. Someone younger might help her feel more alive, and avoiding family helps her avoid memories that may be too hard to handle right now. Regardless, you mom is an adult and is entited to make her own decisions. So do the best you can to accept this, and keep her in your life to the extent that she will allow it. You may have to work at it right now, but it sounds like she might need you to.

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara

Edited by Tamara on 6/1/2010 at 6:23 PM EST

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Tamara
Tamara
Mental Health Professional
1072 Satisfied Customers
20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified