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Anna
Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
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My husband and I have been married for 7 years and have three

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My husband and I have been married for 7 years and have three boys. Since my husband and I have been married he has never trusted me. And I'll admit I havent always been truthful. I have never cheated on my husband or would I ever but where the issue comes in is that I'm not allowed to talk to certain people. Men for any reason am I allowed to talk to and wemen with any kind of issue he doesn't like I'm not allowed to talk to either. So in return I have lied to him about talking to them. When ever he finds out that I have he automaticlly thinks the worst and constantlly accuses me of things. One the other hand he has met a women friend since we have been married and talked to her on several occassions and its something " I just have to deal with". He has come to the point on changing passwords to my accounts so he can "check" them and has become unable to talk to. Its become where I cant say a word without automatic response that its all me and not him. What should I do?
Hello & Welcome to Just Answers.

This is the way a relationship looks like when it's about to turn from emotional/verbal abuse to physical abuse. You need to be very careful about your safety right now. He's becoming obsessed and controlling - things that have absolutely nothing to do with what you're doing - this is his problem, not yours.

The Rules of The Game

No grown woman needs to report her daily interactions to anyone. I'm sure it hasn't worked in the past, and it won't appease him in the future. The worse thing a paranoid man can find is 'no evidence'. It makes them crazy and they'll just dig deeper. Eventually he'll find 'something' and then......drum roll........you'll be "IT". You'll be the reason he 'has to be this way'. All his paranoia will now be laid at your feet to fix. But wait....you can't fix his paranoia. It's inside of him and you can't control it. He can't even control it.....which is why he's looking for someone else to deal with it for him. It's a no-win roller coaster of pain that never ends well for anyone involved.

You have to step off the track and get a grip on yourself and what you've lost inside yourself. Focus on your life and your children for a bit and get some perspective. Re-connect to friends and get your energy back. Then you'll be able to say 'No thank you" to his demands and stick to your guns. Don't give up ground...it won't work. Fighting with him won't work. Focusing on your life will. After you get a hold of that, the answers will come to you about how you want to handle him.

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Thanks!

Anna

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