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Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2536
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
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MY son is 15 years old, good to fair student,dosent like to

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MY son is 15 years old, good to fair student,dosent like to try very hard. But still gets A and B. He is shy ,studers a little bit,he thinks no girl will go out with him because he seems him self,fat, ugly etc,etc, What can I do? for him ?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Norman M. replied 4 years ago.
To help me to help you, can you tell me how long he has been feeling this way?

NormanM
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Maybe 6 to 8 months. He has this episodes of acne,I took him to the dermatologist finally it dosent bother him as much because medicatin is helping the acte.
He has lost somo weight but it worrie mw because he seem him self over weight. He studer a bit some times a lot and that seems to brake him for been more expontaneous,group o friends that are more popular now stop ganging out with him,that really killed him, another group of friend they starde to do drugs, he was so strong and left thast group.
This group is not new good but is the one that he really gans out ,they not popular at all, they all good kids like my son, they dont have girlfriends,they dont do drugs. They play to much computer games....to Much...........I think my son has to learn to balance him self and now who he is .
Expert:  Norman M. replied 4 years ago.

Thanks for getting back to me on this.

From what you say, he really needs to boost his self esteem a bit. Looking at it overall - he is doing pretty well - make sure he knows that you are proud of him.

His behavior and self doubt are pretty well normal for someone of his age, particularly his doubts about girls. I've been happily married for nearly forty years, and believe me, when I was fifteen, I would never have believed that ANY girl would ever be interested in me, let alone the ballet dancer I married!

Try to ensure that all his achievements (losing that weight, staying off drugs, studying well) are noted and praised.

I'd like him to read this article here:

http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/problems/body_image.html

and secondly, to use this tool:

This Bill of Rights was one of the tools used by Virginia Satir, a well-known family therapist. Containing some really basic psychological rights belonging to every person, it really helps to identify and deal with areas in which we have problems.

Read the statements. Note down any immediate thoughts or feelings that come to you.

Look at yourself in a mirror and read it out loud to yourself. Listen to your voice grow in strength and volume so that you can really start to feel it inside. In the beginning, you may feel silly or embarrassed. You may hear the inner voice say, "That's not the truth". Just hang in there and keep doing it - you'll notice the change within six weeks, if you do it regularly.

1. I do not have to feel guilty just because someone else does not like what I do, say, think or feel.

2. It is O. K. for me to feel angry and to express it in responsible ways.

3. I do not have to assume full responsibility for making decisions, particularly where others share responsibility for making the decisions.

4. I have the right to say "I don't understand" without feeling stupid or guilty.

5. I have the right to say NO.

6. I have the right to say No without feeling guilty.

7. I do not have to apologise or give reasons when I say NO.

8. I have the right to refuse requests which others make of me.

9. I have the right to tell others when I think they are manipulating, conning, or treating me unfairly.

10. I have the right to refuse additional responsibilities without feeling guilty.

11. I have a right to tell others when their behaviour annoys me.

12. I do not have to compromise my personal integrity.

13. I have a right to make mistakes and be responsible for them. I have a right to be wrong.

14. I do not have to be liked, admired, or respected by everyone for everything I do.

Finally, I’m going to suggest that you get a copy of the book “How to talk so teens will listen, and how to listen so teens will talk”. Its ISBN is 13: 978 1 85340 857 1

Not only will it help you to help him, it is also a good read!

Best wishes,

NormanM

Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2536
Experience: ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
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