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Hello, and thanks for visiting JA.
First off, your wife needs to be confronted with unacceptability of her behavior, and made to understand while you care for her, her behaviour is unacceptable and has to change.
She also needs to understand that any continuation of deception will have unpleasant consequences. They need to be spelled out to her very clearly, with clear emphasis on the fact that they will apply immediately should she lie to you again – even once.
We humans only indulge in behaviour that brings reward of some kind. Only when that reward (whatever it might be) disappears, or the consequences of our behaviour promise to be unpleasant do we consider changing what we do. She needs to be given good reason to change.
Here is the clue to sorting things out. When you are faced with non-co-operation – give her choices, and make sure she understands the consequences of her choice – and always follow through.
Never get angry, stay cool and in control, matter of fact and stick to the facts. Avoid drama.
Part of the problem is of course, that you need to decide just how hard a line you are going to take on this. If you do nothing, she has no reason to change, and will not. If you take very hard line, there is a very good chance that you will alienate her completely.
Finding a compromise between those extremes would be best, XXXXX XXXXX since only you, know her, her history, and your situation intimately, you are the only one who can decide where to draw the line.
Best wishes, NormanM