Great question, but I am sorry you find yourself in this awful situation. And actually, my answer may not be what you want to hear, but here goes anyway: When growing up with a mother like yours, a daughter learns early on to make mom happy "or else." I am guessing that mom wore away your self esteem long before you can even remember because that was a convenient way to control you. Over the years, this relationship generalized for you, such that you would now use that same coping mechanism (i.e., making other people happy to avoid some unpleasant something that you probably couldn't even identify, but felt nonetheless) with all relationships, from casual (friends/acquaintances) to intimate (husband). And while it makes you feel good to take care of others, it also wears you out and at times makes you angry.
And here's the deal: because mom may be very skilled at making things always seem to be your fault, she probably reinforces the notion that if you ever try to get strong or make steps to hold up better boundaries, a crisis will ensue and will get folded back onto you.
So back to your question: My advice would be to seek a talk therapist who can talk you through some of the boundaries that you do not feel strong enough to create or to reinforce, and then coach you on how to begin the process of setting and keeping to them. It will not be a quick fix, as you will wax and wane as to how able you feel to make the necessary changes, but the therapist will offer you support and encouragement, while all the time monitoring your stress and frustration level.
I do wish you well. Mother and daughters have a special bond, and when it goes awry, it takes a fair amount of effort and preserverence to change. If you are satisfied with the response, please hit "accept." That is the only way I can receive credit for my answers. Thanks-