Great question, but I am sorry you are having such difficultly. Your assessment about transference sounds as if it is quite accurate (therapy has done a lot for you, honestly!), but all the knowledge in the world does not help you when you are hurting like this. So consider this: Transferential feelings like these tend to be more powerful when there is already a scar on your psyche from suffering a loss early in life. The very piece you feel you are missing is being hit squarely by the relationship you have with perhaps the most intimately connected person in your life - i.e., your therapist. And, like you probably felt as a little girl when the significant person in your life left, you are now understandably angry at the therapist for abandoning you.
To cope, you are already doing some of the things you will require to internalize the "good object" (this internalization must not have happened early in your life, so it will be far more difficult as a grown woman). "Internalizing" means that you hold a representation of the person in your mind (in your heart?) even when they are not around. You are trying to comfort yourself by repeating his words, and that starts the process (think about how a child learns to trust that the good object - usually a mother - is still in their universe even when they cannot see her). I would recommend also jotting down some of his favorite sayings and posting them around your house. Also, if you have a photograph of him, place it where you can see it.
This all sounds like childish advice, but I understand the pain you are in. Eventually, the goal is to not need these "gimmicks" placed in your life, but these are excellent issues to work out in therapy when your therapist is present. I applaud you for taking the initiative to enter therapy and make your life better - heck, even writing to this forum took some courage on your part. Keep going in the right direction, and you will come to a place where you feel whole. If you are satisfied with the response, please hit "Accept." That is the only way I can receive credit for my answer. Thanks-