Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
She is 14 and you are the adult. You would want to set limits with her and follow through with consequences when she breaks your rules. She should not be able to "manipulate" you. This happens only when both parents are not on the same page with each other in regard to how to parent her and consequent her.
It is understandable that she would want to learn how to drive; she's jealous of her brother. Try to find something else to involve her time in whether it is sports, dance, hobbies, other age appropriate activities and let hear earn privileges for good behavior.
If you have to be the bad guy and set limits and enforce them, make sure that your partner backs you up and that there is a consistency with this in the home.
Explain to her that she will not have a whole lot going on for her if she gets in trouble at school, home and with the police. Focus on the positive (her talents) and let her see that her behavior causes either desirable or undesirable outcomes.
should i punish her or let it go. we do focus on positive things and she is involved with alot of sports
Yes. Consequent the undesirable behavior. (Punishing does not leave an opportunity to her to correct herself and earn privileges back) When you consequent her, let her know what is it that you expect from her and once she does it, then reward/acknowledge/praise that behavior. Do not let it go! That is giving her power and control over you the adult (and will undermine her respect and desire to comply with you)