How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Kaushik Your Own Question

Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4036
Experience:  MD Psychiatry
9385906
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Kaushik is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have a live in boyfriend, 53, who has a paranoid disorder.

Resolved Question:

I have a live in boyfriend, 53, who has a paranoid disorder. his son of 18 is also living there. My boyfriend demands full transarency, he checks all my e-mail, my belongings my phones. Sometimes he keeps my phones with him. He must know if I want to go out, and calls to know where I am this minute, how many minutes have you done this, that, and sometimes he is commanding me home on "this minute". He does not allow me to work in an office, and thats fine with me, but he only allows me to go places where there are only women. He wrongly accuses me of having affair with drivers, trainers, doctors etc, and I have had to stop training my operated leg because he cant bear me being cose to the trainer. I have had to write nasty e-mail to my previous contacs to ask them to stop contacting me. If I dont do as he says, he starts to pack my things and put them out, or he puts me out of the car at night. He always comes back to get me, though. This sounds horrible, I know. However he is a very caring individual, and we have good times together most of the time. He provides me with everything and looks after my needs all the time. He is extremely sensitive and needs a lot of caresses, which i think is positive.He has been married twice, and I think he was like that with them too. As we are from 2 different countries I now have to go back and deals with my things. He refuses me to go alone. If we go together it will mean that I am abandoning everything to live with him. I am very lonely and only has him in the whole world. But what is your opinion about a marriage with him, what can the future bring, do you think. I want to be with him and he with me, but I have fear too. He is a wreckless driver, but have no accidents, he is preoccupied with detailjs, and more concerned with form than content. (Clothes, appearance, etc). He is extremely handsome and charming when you meet him. He is rich, so he is protected that way. We both want a life lasting relationship and he is very moral, he tends to see things in black/white. Do you think I can adjust to this life? Or anybody for that sake? As I said I am a quiet and calm person myself and I have nobody but him in the whole world.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 4 years ago.

Hi there ,

 

Welcome to Just answer !

 

can you please tell if he has been like this much possesive and paranoid in his previous relationships as well ?

 

is he paranoid and distrustful towards other people as well who do not have any connection with you or is this paranoia restricted to you and your contacts only?

 

Regards..

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hello, yes he has been married twice and have had a girlfriend for one year before, and the same thing happened. I think there was abuse involved. But I am a quiet calm person, so I think I am better for his personality He is constantly occupied with where I am, who I am talking to, how many minutes I have spent in this and that shop on the market etc. Sometimes he orders me home immediatey.

He is not so paranoid towards strangers or even his friends. Then he is an ordinary pleasant man. But if he is making a deal or anything in his business, he is very concerned about saftey, strange rules for shifting money, receits etc. I have seen his counterpart get very astounished when confronted with all his demands. But yes, I am the main target for his paranoia. He has fallen out with his extended family, but sees them maybe twice a year.

Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 4 years ago.

Well, it seems that he suffers from extreme jealousy , which i believe can be considered as an Over - valued idea , and since his paraonid behaviour is restricted to you alone ,and his is otherwise normal with other people , so this rules out , him having paranoid personality ...

 

However , his this jealous behaviour needs to be addressed to him as a problem which can spiral out and become a cause of strain in your otherwise good relationship , as right now you may be able to compromise and adjust according to his unrealistic and impractical demands , but sooner or later this way of keeping one person suppressed may lead to you being stressed out and wanting desperately to lead a normal life , plus here it is his jealousy and insecurity for which you are being suppressed and made to lead a life which is being monitored over by him ..

 

So, basically you need to talk to him about this and ask him to let you be more free and not being too controlled by him , and if possible you both can take help of a relationship expert , who shall help you to express your feelings about this whole situation to your boyfriend who is ignoring the fact that everyone deserves to be given the space that one needs and also he should be more trusting towards you as whenever he becomes distrustful towards you and is suspicious , this in a way puts a question mark on your credibility as a person and makes the relationship very unstable , and all these things you may not be able to do on your own.

 

So, please stop being a push over , as you also deserve the same freedom and respect in this relationship as your boyfriend does and so to bring equality and practicality in the relationship , you need to seek help of a relationship expert , who will act as a catalyst in putting your thoughts across to your boyfriend , which uptil now you have suppressed to make him happy ..So, gather some courage and get going ..as your boyfriend needs to learn to give you the trust and respect and space that you need in ths relationship ..for the sake of maintaining the relationship.

 

I hope this helps..

 

I wish you all the best..

 

Please press the ACCEPT button if you are satisfied with the answer as only then will i be credited for my service.

 

Regards...

 

 

Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4036
Experience: MD Psychiatry
Dr. Kaushik and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
He is actually diagnosed with paranoia /borderline, so I wonder if you can give some information on that according to relationship. He has been like that since his adulthood
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

i didnt et your second reply

 

Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 4 years ago.

Well , if he has been diagnosed with paranoia / borderline personality ,and since these are personality disorders which are very difficult to treat as the person having them lacks insight,that the person does not know that he is suffering from a personality disorder , actually it is th family and friends of the person who are real sufferers in this personality disorder , and so it becomes increasingly important for him to first acknowledge the fact that he is suffering from paranoid / borderline personality and after that he should be started on proper counseling .

 

So i believe you should convince him to consult a clinical psychologist and gets started on Dialectical behavioural therapy ( DBT ) from the psychologist and this DBT therapy is a type of counseling technique which suits best for treating borderline / paranoid personality disorders and will not only help your boyfriend in realizing his personality disorder but will also help him to modify his personality traits so as to help him overcome his personality disorder ...and this will invariable help your cause by making him less jealous , paranoid and insecure .

 

So, convince him to go to psychologist and seek DBT and together both of you may visit a relationship expert , and work on the deficits in your relatonship ...

 

SEE the link below for better understanding of DBT ..

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy

 

Regards..

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education