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Hi there ,
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can you please tell if he has been like this much possesive and paranoid in his previous relationships as well ?
is he paranoid and distrustful towards other people as well who do not have any connection with you or is this paranoia restricted to you and your contacts only?
Hello, yes he has been married twice and have had a girlfriend for one year before, and the same thing happened. I think there was abuse involved. But I am a quiet calm person, so I think I am better for his personality He is constantly occupied with where I am, who I am talking to, how many minutes I have spent in this and that shop on the market etc. Sometimes he orders me home immediatey.
He is not so paranoid towards strangers or even his friends. Then he is an ordinary pleasant man. But if he is making a deal or anything in his business, he is very concerned about saftey, strange rules for shifting money, receits etc. I have seen his counterpart get very astounished when confronted with all his demands. But yes, I am the main target for his paranoia. He has fallen out with his extended family, but sees them maybe twice a year.
Well, it seems that he suffers from extreme jealousy , which i believe can be considered as an Over - valued idea , and since his paraonid behaviour is restricted to you alone ,and his is otherwise normal with other people , so this rules out , him having paranoid personality ...
However , his this jealous behaviour needs to be addressed to him as a problem which can spiral out and become a cause of strain in your otherwise good relationship , as right now you may be able to compromise and adjust according to his unrealistic and impractical demands , but sooner or later this way of keeping one person suppressed may lead to you being stressed out and wanting desperately to lead a normal life , plus here it is his jealousy and insecurity for which you are being suppressed and made to lead a life which is being monitored over by him ..
So, basically you need to talk to him about this and ask him to let you be more free and not being too controlled by him , and if possible you both can take help of a relationship expert , who shall help you to express your feelings about this whole situation to your boyfriend who is ignoring the fact that everyone deserves to be given the space that one needs and also he should be more trusting towards you as whenever he becomes distrustful towards you and is suspicious , this in a way puts a question mark on your credibility as a person and makes the relationship very unstable , and all these things you may not be able to do on your own.
So, please stop being a push over , as you also deserve the same freedom and respect in this relationship as your boyfriend does and so to bring equality and practicality in the relationship , you need to seek help of a relationship expert , who will act as a catalyst in putting your thoughts across to your boyfriend , which uptil now you have suppressed to make him happy ..So, gather some courage and get going ..as your boyfriend needs to learn to give you the trust and respect and space that you need in ths relationship ..for the sake of maintaining the relationship.
I hope this helps..
I wish you all the best..
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i didnt et your second reply
Well , if he has been diagnosed with paranoia / borderline personality ,and since these are personality disorders which are very difficult to treat as the person having them lacks insight,that the person does not know that he is suffering from a personality disorder , actually it is th family and friends of the person who are real sufferers in this personality disorder , and so it becomes increasingly important for him to first acknowledge the fact that he is suffering from paranoid / borderline personality and after that he should be started on proper counseling .
So i believe you should convince him to consult a clinical psychologist and gets started on Dialectical behavioural therapy ( DBT ) from the psychologist and this DBT therapy is a type of counseling technique which suits best for treating borderline / paranoid personality disorders and will not only help your boyfriend in realizing his personality disorder but will also help him to modify his personality traits so as to help him overcome his personality disorder ...and this will invariable help your cause by making him less jealous , paranoid and insecure .
So, convince him to go to psychologist and seek DBT and together both of you may visit a relationship expert , and work on the deficits in your relatonship ...
SEE the link below for better understanding of DBT ..