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Ralph LMHC
Ralph LMHC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  20+ years as therapist, supervisor, clinic director at mental health, substance abuse treatment ctrs
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Hello, my boyfriend, 53 years old has a paranoia personality

Customer Question

Hello, my boyfriend, 53 years old has a paranoia personality disorder, maybe borderline. He constantly checks my phones, email, ask me questions like: how many minutes did you spend, here, there, in exactly what time are u coming home etc. If I do not obay him, he threatens to throw me out of the house. On the other hand, he is very caring, a real gentleman and provides me with everything I need/want. 4 days ago, I had to go to my home country to do some work. As I am still here, he has shut his phones and given me a message that everything is over. Then he phoned back and told me to go to the nearest airport in the next 30 min. if he accepted me back (my country is 12 hours flight from his). I know it sounds frightening, but he has really good sides too, and I am in love with him. My question is: is it worth to go forward with this relationship, or will I be ruined and mentally/physically hurt?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 6 years ago.

Hello.

This individual's behavior is extremely erratic and threatening, He does not appear to have a good grip on reality. I truly fear for your safety. If you continue with him psychological abuse is assured, but more importantly you risk physical harm. I would suggest that as painful as it may be good sense indicates that you move on and not risk your physical well being! Good luck

 

 

Sincerely,

Ralph LMHC

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Hi, thank you for your answer. I am still puzzled because he has a very good side as well. Normally, he behaves like a gentleman and drives me everywhere, picks me up, treats me like a queen.He also seems to function normally in social events and in work. He works from home. I am a sensitive person who needs somebody to feel extremely close to as well. I do not have friends or any relations, only him. So, I thought, maybe I should let him check everything, and ignore his accusations in order to have somebody close. He also likes to be together with me 24/7, we usually do everything together. I am afraid of being left completely alone. We have lived together for one year, and I feel very dependant on him now. Can you say something about paranoia and relationships? I have read about paranoia on the Net, but there is not much info on relationships?

Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 6 years ago.

Hello,

Putting myself in your position. I would not risk my life as you would be doing. As to his good side, how many times have you seen the news and heard a neighbor report that the murder was such a "nice guy" and it was so surprising that he killed 3 family members, etc. Sometimes nothing is better than something when that something is dangerous. Paranoid people tend to act out their delusions with those they are closest to. Again, I can only advise extreme caution wish you luck

 

Sincerely,

Ralph LMHC

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Last questions: will he ever be able to have a stable/continous relationship with any female, if I act obidiant to him, is there any chance of a long lasting relationship with him. He expresses a profound wish of having a life long relationship. Is he capable of having deeper feelings, or are people with paranoia cold/flat emotionally. I really care for him and want to understand his behavior.
Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 6 years ago.

Hello,

In one word his personality profile makes the answer regrettably no.

 

Sincerely,

Ralph

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I see that you need additional info. My boyriend seems to have high moral standards and sees most things in balck or white. He does not listen to others, but usually he is right in his thinking as he is intelligent. However he constantly accuses me of having affair with a lot of people, from the driver to the trainer, to my doctor etc. he is extremely handsom himself, so I dont know why he thinks like that. He never looks at other women himself so I feel very safe that way. He was first married 11 years, the second marriage lasted for 1 month. His friends says that he has had numerous relationships since his youth. My boyfriend is now at 53 very seriously of maintaining a life long relationship as he also fears to be alone. He is mostly in conflict with his extended family, but his son is living with him. He is involved several court cases as he sues people easily. He is very clever and smart money wise. He is verbally abusing me every time he thinks that I am involved with somebody (which is not true). He is very sensitive and very affectionate and caring, and wants a lot of caring and caresses from me too.

At night in bed he fantazises of being a small boy. He is an Indian aristocrate and has a protected life style, but is very positiv and adventurous. He is also a helping person towards others. He is a hasard driver, but has no accidents. In the morning and evenings he is quite calm, but during the day he is hyper, specially in interaction with other people. Can you say anything more after this?

Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 6 years ago.

I have answered before, but must have been lost due to computer glitch. He is rampantly paranoid., labile (changeable). Use your thinking as well as your feeling. In my opinion you are in danger (again my opinion not fact). Good luck.

 

Sincerely,

Ralph LMHC



Edited by Ralph LMHC on 5/1/2010 at 7:07 PM EST

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