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Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2536
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
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We have a 24 year old son with diabetes who has had anxiety

Customer Question

We have a 24 year old son with diabetes who has had anxiety and depression. By helping him he has managed a part time job and better care of his diabetes. He is very difficult and does not get along with many. He isolated himself for a long time and does not have any friends. we have 3 other adult children he cannot get along with. We also have a 13 yr old boy he does get along with. About a month ago my 19 year old daughter started to see a therapist and it came out that she says she was sexually molested by my 24 year old 10 years ago. My wife and I are in shock and do not know how to approach this. My daughter will not come home and is staying with friends. We do not speak to my son and he will not speak to us. He is very agressive towards others in the house. We try to keep my 13 yr old busy and we keep our christian household calm. Understand that if we evict ou son he will only become violent because he needs medical supplies and he has no one and no where to go.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Norman M. replied 4 years ago.
To help me to help you, can you tell me what treatment hre has had for his anxiety and depression?

NormanM
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2536
Experience: ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
Norman M. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
No real treatment just was put on cymbalta by his endocrinologist. He stopped taking the cymbalta because he has no insurance.
Expert:  Norman M. replied 4 years ago.

Thanks for the accept. Please remember, if you use JA agian, you don't have to accept unless you receive a satisfactory answer.

Anyway, he does need to get back on medication. If he is having trouble affording the medication he needs, they may well be able to help him at this website:

http://www.pparx.org/en

The sad fact is that until he accepts that he has a problem, and will accept help for it, there is nothing you can do directly in that area.

However, you need some support yourself, and to find a way to make your life easier.

I have several suggestions for you.

First off, your son needs to be confronted with your feelings about his behavior, and made to understand that, while you care for him his behaviour is unacceptable and will not be tolerated, at least by you

He also needs to understand that that any continuation of this disruptive and anti social behavior will have consequences. They need to be spelled out to him very clearly, with clear emphasis on the fact that they will apply immediately.

We humans only indulge in behaviour that brings reward of some kind. Only when that reward (whatever it might be) disappears, or the consequences of our behaviour promise to be unpleasant do we consider changing what we do.



Here is the clue to sorting things out. When you are faced with non-co-operation – give him choices, and make sure they understand the consequences of his choice – and always follow through. If you don’t he will continue to take treat you the way he is doing just now.



Ask him too, what he is prepared to do to change his behaviour in future – tell him to research what might help him, what professional help he might get, and even consider a ‘contract’ between you. In other words, involve him in his own change, with a prospect of a small reward for success and dire consequences for failure.

However, don’t get angry, stay cool and in control, matter of fact and stick to the facts. Avoid drama.

There are difficult choices to be made ' if you take you take too firm a line, you may alienate him completely, and if you are too soft, nothing will change. Try to find a middle way.

Finally, I feel sure you would benefit from some supporting therapy for yourself.

I’m going to suggest that you would benefit greatly from a course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It is a form of therapy that addresses problems in a direct and targeted way and is brief compared with most other therapies.

CBT is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also cause the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.

These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them. We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.

If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted,

the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful. The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.

Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.

Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates. Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change.

Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.

Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/treatments/cbt.aspx

One final word – you have not failed him. He is an adult and is responsible for himself, and has been for the last 24 odd years. Please, therefore, do NOT be hard on yourself.



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