First from the limited amount of information it is really impossible to provide a diagnostic impression. with any reliability. You tend to take to much responsibility when you say you have one shot. This indicates that what you do will result in an outcome. Unfortunately from what you you describe, irrespective of your behavior and any type of professional treatment he may receive, the chance of him being able to effect a behavioral change, such as cease being abusive or acting in an narcissistic fashion is remote. Try to ask him without placing any blame and avoid any judgmental statements. But it sounds as if he is somewhat fixed and the prognosis for a positive outcome is poor. I know what i am saying is quite dire, but you are better off going into counseling if he agrees, with realistic expectations. I wish you the best.
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Hello,with medication ADHD can definitely be controlled. See http://www.help4adhd.org/en/treatment/guides/dsm? gclid=COul1dKmsaECFQuB5QodJivjAw for ADD symptoms. Testing along with intensive interview can accurately diagnose ADD. The things you mention are consistant with ADD.