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Ralph LMHC
Ralph LMHC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  20+ years as therapist, supervisor, clinic director at mental health, substance abuse treatment ctrs
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My 20 yr old grandson has been living with me since last July,

Resolved Question:

My 20 yr old grandson has been living with me since last July, because of the high unemployment in Indiana, we offered to have him live with us in il. He has a job right away had a car to use, then in November, we found out all his money was gone. So we gave him another chance.... he started a new job,full time, no car to use, my husband drives him to and from. we thought things were fine until last weekend, he had my car to go out with friends, texted me at 3am to say he was staying over which was fine, but in the am
i spoke with him stating i wanted him home soon, he did not return until 2pm. Now we found out,again, that all his money is spent, over 600 in cash im sure to drugs......
Are we wrong to try to start again, keeping his checks and letting him keep his job and not go out? He does admit to having difficulty not lving in the moment and has no sense of consequeses for his actions.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 6 years ago.

Hello,

 

Your intentions to put him in the right direction is certainly well intentioned. However he has played on your love and manipulated you. You cannot micro manage him. You can offer to help him with therapy which I suspect he will refuse. He needs to learn the consequences on his own. I would clearly spell out what you will and will not do and strictly abide by it. If he fouls up, you should not bail him out, but allow him to suffer the consequences whatever they may be only in this way does he have a chance to grow and individuate. Best wishes and good look and be sure to secure the things that he may misappropriate, like the car, money, and your prescription medication, etc.. Even though you will be setting firm limits let him know that you love and care which does not mean that you will bail him out.

 

 

Sincerely,

Ralph LMHC

If you require further clarification or more information, feel free to ask!

Please click the green "ACCEPT" button on this page if you are satisfied with my answer so that I get credit for my work. Your positive feedback is most important and bonuses are always welcomed. If this is a mental health, or medical emergency, please call emergency services (911 in the USA), or go to your nearest Emergency Room. The opinion provided does not replace an evaluation by an appropriate professional. Use of this website DOES NOT CREATE a provider-client relation and this information is for educational purposes only.

 

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT, DO YOU THINK IT'S NECESSARY FOR HIM TO BE TESTED FOR ADD/ADHD, BECAUSE HE'S HAD THE SAME PROBLEMS SINCE HE WAS 13.
Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 6 years ago.

Hello,

 

Is demonstrating signs of ADD as there is an excellent chance that he has outgrown. it If he shows symptoms, by all means have him see a psychologist for testing, but if no symptoms it is a waste of money.

 

 

 

Sincerely,

Ralph LMHC

If you require further clarification or more information, feel free to ask!

Please click the green "ACCEPT" button on this page if you are satisfied with my answer so that I get credit for my work. Your positive feedback is most important and bonuses are always welcomed. If this is a mental health, or medical emergency, please call emergency services (911 in the USA), or go to your nearest Emergency Room. The opinion provided does not replace an evaluation by an appropriate professional. Use of this website DOES NOT CREATE a provider-client relation and this information is for educational purposes only.

 

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