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Thank you for using Justanswer.com. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Your psychologist/friend does make sense when she said you were burnt out. The brain or the super ego can become overwhelmed and survival instincts can kick in and produce the symptoms of a panic attack. Panic attacks can also be associated with depression. The dark malignant force you speak of can be depression seeping in and taking over your life.
I would suggest getting an evaluation from a psychiatrist and to see a therapist about whatever it was/is that is causing you to feel burnt out and to treat the depression with medication if needed. With Panic attacks you can learn to manage them but the best option is to treat the depression and reasons why the panic attacks are occurring (the burnt out issue).
I hope this answer helps. Please let me know if you have further questions or if you need further clarification of this answer.
Does the psyche produce random thoughts as protection in an anxiety attack? In a panic attack what will be generated are terrifying thoughts that have no substance in the real world and the more paniced you are the more frightening they will be? So that you can get any thought at all and the best thing to do is just get on with your life and ignore the thought (especially if there is no rational reason for the thought in the first place? I mean it came out of the blue when I was in a state of complete panic.)
Has this attack merely ripped open the neurosis of the panic attack I suffered 25 years ago. ?
maybe the original panic thought/blocker about my wife was a wafy of my psyche saving itself from the next worse alternative i.e. my life being taken over by a dark malignant force and me having no say. Is that what despair is. Why can't I seem to analyse this properly - I constantly jump from one theory to another etc
Can the dark malignant force
Thank you for these questions as well. When having panic attacks the thoughts are very irrational and nonsensical. The brain sort of hijacks the rational frontal cortex and the survival (dark, primitive) part of the brain takes over for a time until the panic has subsided. This can cause very scary, dark, unclear thoughts during the panic attack. Once the attack is over and your rational thinking part of your brain returns you should no longer have these thoughts.
I don't think the attack has ripped open the neurosis from the past. It sounds like to me your depression (which can have recurrent episodes even 25 years later) has returned and that it needs to be treated. The statement "Why can't I seem to analyse this properly - I constantly jump from one theory to another etc" makes me concerned that your depression has returned. The racing thoughts and anxious thinking also fit with a depression or even bipolar diagnosis. We can not diagnosis online in this setting. I think it would be very important to seek the services of a psychiatrist and a therapist to get a proper diagnosis and treatment for this.
I hope this answer helps as well.
Take care, Kym