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Ask Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH Your Ow...
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 251
Experience:  Over 15 years of experience as a substance abuse therapist. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I have constant conflict with my husband, we constantly argue

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I have constant conflict with my husband, we constantly argue and say hurtful things to each other. I am very sarcastic and hurtful and just seem to constantly wind myself up and him at the same time. My husband now tells me he is leaving as he cannot handle the constant fighting and anger between us - I dont want him to leave but I don't know how to stop being so hurtful and fix my marriage - what can I do?
Thank you for using I'm sorry to hear that he wants to leave. Generally, when people are sarcastic, it is really a way to cover up underlying anger. I am guessing there are some very core issues in the marriage that you may be carrying around with you that are unspoken or haven't been dealt with in therapy.

I see that you have tried counseling. Was this individual therapy or was your husband involved? I would suggest individual therapy for anger management and then if your husband is willing, marriage counseling to get to some of the core issues related to your marriage.

I hope this answer helps, please let me know if you have any other questions or if you need further clarification about this answer.

Take care,
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
The counselling was individual. I have recommended marriage counselling but he always said if he left he wouldnt come back so I dont know if the will even be interested in trying counselling.
Hello again,
I would suggest waiting for him to cool down and then let him know that you realize your sarcasm and anger are causing conflict in the marriage. I would let him know that you understand if he needs to leave right now and that you are going to work very hard with a therapist to get a better understanding of your anger. I would then suggest telling him that you want him to stay and work on it with you, as a team to make your marriage work. If he is unwilling to do this right now, I would start going to therapy and work on the anger and hopefully he will try to "test the water" eventually and will see that you have changed and will want to come back home.

I hope this answer helps. I think regardless of his choice to stay or go, you can start working now to make your responses more healthy and hopefully it will save your marriage in the long run.

I hope this answer helps as well. Please let me know if you have any other questions.

Best regards,
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