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Ask Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH Your Ow...
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 251
Experience:  Over 15 years of experience as a substance abuse therapist. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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This is extremely difficult but I do not know what to do. My

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This is extremely difficult but I do not know what to do. My son's partner has just informed me of a problem I never knew existed and I cannot understand it. My son has a fetish which has been happening for years, apparently. He is 28 years old. He hangs weights off his penis; he pumps up his penis until it is purple (I am not sure what this means or how he does it; I am merely repeating what his partner has told me). She also tells me that she has arrived home on occasion and found him watching pornography that involves the aforementioned things. There are now numerous problems in his relationship. How do I help him; how do I understand this; do I approach him?
Thank you for using I am sending this as an information request before answering your question.

I am wondering if his partner confided in you for help with the situation or to just vent about their frustration with the problem?

Thank you and awaiting your reply,
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Definitely for help. She contacted me in desperation a couple of days ago about a few issues but has taken until today to have the 'guts' to tell me.
Hi there,
I would suggest asking her permission to speak with your son about this. If she agrees then I would suggest telling him that she is concerned about some of his behaviors in their relationship. I'm guessing he will either say "about what" or "mom this is none of your business." If he wants to talk about it, I would suggest bluntly telling him about her concerns and asking if he feels like it is an issue he needs professional help for. If he does, then you can start helping him seek help for this. The problem with fetishes is that they are very hard to "cure" because most people do not see them as a problem and usually they have no intention of changing them.

To summarize, I would suggest taking his lead on this one. If he is not willing to change this behavior or to talk about it, I would leave it alone and suggest to the girlfriend that she decide if she is able to "live" with this behavior as it will be very difficult to change.

I hope this answer helps. Please let me know if you have any other questions or if you need further clarification of this answer.

Take care,
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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