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Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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How on earth do people engage in sexual relationships Its

Customer Question

How on earth do people engage in sexual relationships? It's like I'm from Mars I don't get it. It's been 18 years since I last hooked up with a woman, for the rest it's just friends. I've seen junkies and abusive guys and imbeciles having a functioning sexual life, so why is mine not? All other parts of my life ar ok, so why this not? It's like I'm not part of humanity or something...

I'm above average intelligent, have friends, am socially capable, I've dated but then there's no 'click' (god I hate that word) from the females side. I really believe I'm a fun, normal guy who can both listen and talk and make fun. I need to fix this if it's the last thing I'll do but I've been saying that to myself the last decennia...
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 6 years ago.
Hi there. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today.

I'm sorry that you are having these problems. I'm sure this is very perplexing to you, as it is for many people.

The psychology of attraction is very complicated, so it would be very difficult for me to give you an answer about what might be going on with you in terms of women and sexual relationships. But I can tell you that you certainly are not the only one who is confused about how all this works. There are many people who are unable to find relationships, while the most dysfunctional people around them seem to have no trouble at all.

You have tried many things, but I don't see that you have tried any professional help in terms of therapy. This is probably the best way for you to get some unbiased feedback about how you come across, as well as to work on any other issues that might be getting in the way here. Sometimes it is very helpful to get that kind of perspective, as it is easy to get lost in our own and therefore not be able to make any progress. Ideally, a group therapy setting would be nice, as you would be able to get feedback and support from several different people, and this can be a great way to work on these types of relationship issues.

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I've tried professional help, actually. I had sessions with a group and with a one-on-one psychologist. The group was a two years process, actually a very enriching experience but nothing solving my particular issue. The one-on-one were 5 or 6 individual session where everything that was basically giving me no information, with me just talking and her just listening and asking a question now and then...


Thanks by the way, great idea this site, with I thought of that!


Expert:  Tamara replied 6 years ago.
You're welcome. I'm sorry that this is proving so hard to figure out. All I can tell you is that sometimes it takes time. I'm sure you've heard that before, but if I could explain how people work I'd be rich too! Take care. Tamara

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