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Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2542
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
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My daughter (8 years old) lives with her mother and I have

Customer Question

My daughter (8 years old) lives with her mother and I have her at the weekend. In my opinion she has become neglected and has problems with school as well as behavioural problems. According to her teacher she is easily distracted and increasingly naughty. Her mother has said that she does not litsen and wont do anything she is told including washing, chores, homework etc. While I am concerned about this I seem to get a very different child at the weekend. She is well behaved and does what ever she is told. Recent discussion with her teacher lead me to beleive that she is two different people and she clearly has different boundaries and values between the two homes. I have a very poor relationship with her mother as I do not beleive she cares for her very well and leads a very different life style. However I am making every effort to improve our relationship for my daughters sake and contact her school regularly. The signs of neglect include her being overweight and poor hygeine.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Norman M. replied 4 years ago.
Did you mean grand-daughter?
NormanM
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
No she is my daughter. I seperated from her mother over 6 years ago and regularly see my daughter every weekend.
Expert:  Norman M. replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for getting back to me, and my apologies for the delay in this reply.

It is extremely important that you keep good channels of communication open with the mother, so stick with your efforts there to improve the relationship and the 'teaching' at the weekends. Focus hard on achievements she has made or is making, and show her how pleased you are.

Try to ensure that her mother understands the need for good boundaries and expected standards. I suggest you take the approach that if she can get things right at home, it will all fall into place at school.


You could also tell your daughter of your concerns - without being critical of her or her mother - and ask her what is happening . Some very gentle questioning could prove very useful.

I’m going to suggest that you get a copy of the book “How to talk so kids will listen, and how to listen so kids will talk”. Its ISBN is 1 85340 705 4.

Not only will it help you turn things around round it is also a good read! You could also pass this on to her mother as a sort of aside when you have read it.

Best wishes,

NormanM

Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2542
Experience: ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
Norman M. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thankyou Norman, I am certain this will be helpful. I have already placed an order for the book as I get the feeling she wants to tell me more. I will certainly keep up with the advice suggested and discuss my concerns with Emily and her mother.

 

Kindest Regards,

 

Kevin

Expert:  Norman M. replied 4 years ago.
Thanks for the acceptance - glad to help!

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