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Hello, and thanks for visiting JA. You did not mess up - all you did was state your reservations about the holiday. If she cannot handle that, she can hardly be a friend. Why on Earth do you feel you have to apologise? You do not exist just to please her, or other people. What about what YOU want? People like her manage their lives around manipulating others in order to get their own way, in many subtle (and some not so subtle) ways) - just look at the situation now - she has you wrong footed and wanting to apologise for daring to have an opinion! I suggest its is really time you stood up for yourself, and I'm going to offer you some tips on how you can start to do that.
The Bill of Riqhts.
This Bill of Rights was one of the tools used by Virginia Satir, a well-known family therapist. Containing some really basic psychological rights belonging to every person, it really helps to identify and deal with areas in which we have problems.
Read the statements. Note down any immediate thoughts or feelings that come to you.
Look at yourself in a mirror and read it out loud to yourself. Listen to your voice grow in strength and volume so that you can really start to feel it inside. In the beginning, you may feel silly or embarrassed. You may hear the inner voice say, "That's not the truth". Just hang in there and keep doing it - you'll notice the change within six weeks, if you do it regularly.
1. I do not have to feel guilty just because someone else does not like what I do, say, think or feel.
2. It is O. K. for me to feel angry and to express it in responsible ways.
3. I do not have to assume full responsibility for making decisions, particularly where others share responsibility for making the decisions.
4. I have the right to say "I don't understand" without feeling stupid or guilty.
5. I have the right to say NO.
6. I have the right to say No without feeling guilty.
7. I do not have to apologise or give reasons when I say NO.
8. I have the right to refuse requests which others make of me.
9. I have the right to tell others when I think they are manipulating, conning, or treating me unfairly.
10. I have the right to refuse additional responsibilities without feeling guilty.
11. I have a right to tell others when their behaviour annoys me.
12. I do not have to compromise my personal integrity.
13. I have a right to make mistakes and be responsible for them. I have a right to be wrong.
14. I do not have to be liked, admired, or respected by everyone for everything I do.
Time to deal with this young lady!