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Experience:  Licensed Psychologist.
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Hi, ive just had a huge fight with my husband due to infidelity

Resolved Question:

Hi, i've just had a huge fight with my husband due to infidelity reasons. I have since found out I was wrong and feel absolutely terrible. I know I have trust issues as he has lied to me a number of times and I have caught him out. So now if I ask him anything I always thinks he is lying to me. How to I learn to trust him again as it is tearing our relationship apart. My husband works away three weeks at a time so the distance doesnt help. It seems to go in cycles and we have a big blow out 4-6 months. We have been together 14 years.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 4 years ago.
DO you have reason to not trust him?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
About 8 yrs ago I found a strange cell phone number on our phone account so I called it. There was a very raunchy message that sounded like a prostitute. I had him up about it and he said someone else must have called it from our phone. Then he changed his story and said that the cell phone belonged to a friend of his who had lost the phone and some undesirable must have picked it up and started using it. I found it had to believe but gave him the benefit of the doubt, but still feel deep down that there has been no closure on this.

I also found some pornagraphic pictures flashing up on his laptop, that in itself didn't bother me too much except it was flashing up in front of our two small children. He completely denied ever downloading them and deleted the file he had downloaded them to, however I had already search and found this file before he deleted them. When I told him that he fessed up - but only because I had caught him out.
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 4 years ago.
Well I guess the botXXXXX XXXXXne is that your actions and feelings are justified. You are way way too naive to believe the lies he tells you. The man deserves not to be trusted. So the real question becomes can you live with him lying to you or not. If you can good for you but you will always question his motives and actions. If you can't live with the lying then it is time to move on. I really don't know how you can learn to trust a liar. I think it is impossible because the whole basis of this is that your husband IS NOT trustworthy. He only confesses when you catch him in a lie, and even then he does not always fess up. Imagine the things you have not caught him doing.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience: Licensed Psychologist.
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