Great question. And yes, you could be bipolar. Bi-polarity comes with emotional AND cognitive changes, often resulting in the type of outburst you describe. Typically, these outbursts are seen more prominently in bipolar children, but adults can have similar manifestations (more rare, but not unheard of). In other words, the emotions begin to leap out of control, but the cognitive processes that are typically employed to curb the behavioral episodes are also re-routed, thereby leaving the emotion to run unchecked.
Another possibility is a rarely-used diagnosis called Intermittent Explosive Disorder. There is some debate in our field as to whether this one exists or not, as it seems to fold nicely into the the broader "Bipolar" criteria. Still, it remains a diagnostic option for now.
Realistically, there is not much difference between the two as far as treatment goes. Mood stabilizers or atypical anti-psychotics will be employed (on occasion, anti-seizure medications can also be used). Talk therapy is recommended to deal with some of the self-talk that leads to the guilt and shame you feel after an outburst, and with the trauma that is possibly adding fuel to the fire.
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No trouble at all. In fact, you bring up a good point that I overlooked in my original response. If the rages never get out of control outside of your intimate relationship, then borderline would be the place to look. A bipolar person would trip into the episodes in many different situations, not in a specific one all the time.
Borderlines tend to vacillate strongly between the intensity you described above (abandonment fears) which lead them into crazy, jealousy-fueled anger and attempts at controlling the partner - through physical force or emotional intimidation. Then, when the partner is close, they tend to feel uneasy because of prior traumas and abandonments, thereby creating craziness even when things seem to be going well.
The prognosis for full-fledged borderlines is not good unless you hook up with a therapist who has treated a lot of these character disorders. The traumas you described take a lot to get past, and inexperienced therapists may not know how to handle the energy and chaos in your life.
I do wish you well-
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