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Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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Gay man in a good relationship (5 months) where weve agreed

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Gay man in a good relationship (5 months) where we've agreed to be exclusive. Triggers feelings of vulnerability and anxious preoccupation in me (me anxious attachment style, him dismissive/avoidant). Not sure how do deal with my feelings of vulnerability and not sure how to talk to him when he's avoidant. thanks
Hi there. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today.

I'm sorry that you are having these issues in your relationship. However, I would say that in my experience, it's one of the most common problems that relationships have. And of course, with your personality, you're going to be the one that it bothers!

This is difficult to address if both of you are not open to looking at it. Given that he is not very psychologically minded, I imagine that you will carry the weight of trying to deal with this dynamic.

I would suggest you read Harville Hendrix's book Getting The Love You Want. It's a classic on exploring and dealing with this relationship dynamic, and will give you insight and ideas on how to handle it productively in your own relationship.

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara

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